Ivy Blaise's Blog

Random talk

Ivy Blaise — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 15:23:07 +0000

Working from home. Still in my PJ’s. Having a break from the usual rut and trying to post something but so far I have discarded 3 posts of utter crap! Ugh…

I end up writing a few sentences… I read it back and I cringe. It sounds contrived and really, really lame. I am trying to find a balance and to write something substantial but somehow it is not working out. This is giving me a headache.

One minute I want to write about how absolutely messed up my head feels. The next minute I want to write about how trust and respect is earned and oh so easily lost and seldom regained. Then I just want to rant. Or I just want to close my eyes and listen to music and shut the world out. I have reached a place where I do not even want to explain anymore. I fix. I sort, I do. Always something. I am sick of it. Bone tired. Does it even matter?

Still… I continue. I get up and get on with things. There are people around me that inspire and give support and that I trust and respect…. does that not make me rich really? It cannot be bought, it cannot be forced – but when you have it and can share it… it is invaluable and I count myself truly lucky.

… and on that note, I will close this short random talk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7B9PrfNkAM

What can I say…

Ivy Blaise — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 12:26:14 +0000

Sitting here with a pounding headache. Too many hours in work. Lack of sleep, too many thoughts going through my mind. A mess. Can’t even tell you why. This has felt like the longest week ever.

It is stormy outside – matches my mood. A sunny day would have felt totally wrong. So instead I will just sit down for a bit now. Trying to gather my thoughts. Maybe I will try to relax a little – looking at a snoozing cat makes it hard to not relax.

Found this today. Yeah… what can I say:

A bit surreal?

Ivy Blaise — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 23:07:24 +0000

As I was walking to my car this evening, after a training session down at the club, I noticed how quiet it was. It is cold and misty outside tonight and with the moon shining through the fog it is almost a bit surreal. Nice though. I really wish I had a camera good enough to capture the night sky.

I am glad that I went training tonight. My day today felt a bit “ugh” all day, for one or the other reason and I was really seriously contemplating staying at home and just crawl under my duvet. Just having an early night. Instead I made myself go training and it has really made a difference. I am still tired and now also a bit sore but I feel much calmer. It is hard to describe as I was not agitated before but I guess I was restless somehow and now… I feel fine. Maybe this is just due to the lack of oxygen from the chokes we practiced or maybe I banged my head during a throw. You never know.

Sometimes the training really clears my head and things just seem easier or more attainable. Sometimes it enables me to put aside thoughts that threatens to overtake and blow things out of proportions. Then sometimes it is just nice to do something totally different from my daily work.

Yes, there are times when I cannot seem to focus. When the simplest movement goes wrong. When I feel like I am losing the plot (ehhh OK, yes that happens outside of training as well at times…shhhhh!). As it is condensed down to a martial art it is easy to overlook that many of the aspects in training can be found parallel in life. Sometimes it flows well and other times it is a pain, both figuratively and literally! It is a realization that sneaks up on you. The first time I heard someone mentioning it I secretly scoffed a bit at the idea. Now however I can tentatively see how each training session affects me differently and how the lessons learned there can be applied in my daily life. I know this is not a very good explanation but I am still mulling this over so you just have to bear with me a while longer.

In either case, it is time for bed and as it is Friday the 13th tomorrow… let’s hope for a good day eh?

Is it January already?

Ivy Blaise — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:38:03 +0000

Time seems to have flowed past at speed the last few weeks. All the sudden it is mid-January already and no blog post has been written. Ouch! Not sure how that happened.

I spend Christmas with one of my best friends together with her boyfriend, who also happens to be a good friend of mine, and their two adorable boys. Two boys, who at the tender age of 4 and 7, were extremely excited about Santa coming. Their faces when we called NORAD’s Santa Tracker was priceless.

So Christmas was full of early mornings and lots of toys but it was also relaxing and with more food than it is humanly possible to eat. One thing to keep in mind: when putting a bottle of Bailey’s in the freezer… yes, the cream stays frozen but not the pure alcohol… it does give quite a kick!

Oh and this sweet shop is just fabulous. They have all kinds of chocolates, hard-boiled sweets, fudge, toffee, liquorice and so on. It feels like you are stepping back in time when you enter.

As usual the long weekend ended way too fast and it was time to go home once again. Back to a really busy week in work, which ended with a pretty chilled out New Years Eve. I really enjoyed spending it with a very good friend, just eating cheese and crackers and drinking some wine. I guess in a way I “should” feel a bit freaked out that I rather stayed in (like my parents) than went out into town (getting pissed in a crowded pub) but to be honest it was great just chilling. Hmmmm…. not sure what that says about me.

Well, I made up for it a bit the weekend just gone by. My sister and her partner came over for a weekend visit. It was great!! There was lots of fish & chips, Guinness (OK, not much for me as I still am not too keen on the black stuff), pubs and lots and lots of laughs.

My sister and I, in stitches as always.

Proper fry up’s (sausages, bacon, scrambled eggs and toast) in the mornings kept us going. We ended up in a variety of places. All from the traditional Irish pub with a traditional Irish music session to the heavy metal rock bar in town. It was brilliant fun and over way too fast.

So now I am sitting here, trying to survive the rest of the month. The January blues and all that. As most others I am properly skint and like many I am looking over my budget and mulling over various health ideas. Oh the joy…

But at the same time, it is a new year and new opportunities looming around every corner. I do not really do the whole new years resolution thing but I do try to keep some ideas in mind. I will make this year mine. Not decided how yet but if the world will end in 2012 (like some seem to believe) then I want go out with a bang and a smile on my face.

Or in the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt: “Life is what you make it. Always has been, always will be.”

Oh 2011, where to start…

Ivy Blaise — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 12:56:27 +0000

When I sat down last year to write the 2010-gone-by post it was about having started to blog, got a tattoo, laser eye surgery, Christmas parties and driving too fast.

This time… where to start. This has been a year of so many changes. Of heart-break. Of self-discovery. Of meeting amazing people who I will forever be grateful for. It has been an emotional roller-coaster.

As most of you know, this was the year that heralded the end of a 11 year-long relationship for me. I will not dwell on it in this post. It has been chewed through enough. I could spend the entire post on just going over how this year has been pretty tough. But you know what… it has been what it has been and I want to remember the things that made me smile, made me laugh and made me feel good.

I have an apartment that I love. A place that always makes me feel at ease (even with window vents from hell…). It is light, airy, has a south-facing balcony that is just fab. It is a place that went from feeling like a temporary hotel room, a refuge to become the place where I can relax and recharge. My home.

I share this apartment with my two furballs. They bring laughter, cuddles and joy together with unconditional love on a daily basis.

There is much more I could list here. However, the best thing this year has been my friends. From the ones that I have known for years, the ones I have met online through blogging and the new great friends that I have met. These are the people who have made me laugh, smile and feel happy throughout everything this year. And that is what I will keep with me from 2011.

So bring on 2012. It will be a great one!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Merry Christmas!

Ivy Blaise — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 20:32:11 +0000

Image by paparutzi via Flickr

I was just about to sit down on the sofa and put on a Christmas film when I realized that part from this very moment, I really will have no time for blogging at all before Christmas.

The work laptop is shut down for now – ready to get fired up again tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn. I have a million and one things I want sorted before Christmas (and no, not all is work related).

I am looking forward to a relaxing Christmas weekend with friends (and small children, whom I will feed Bailey’s so that they have a nice long snooze… shhhhhh don’t tell their mum… oh and if she “happens” to read this – it was the evil muse who wrote it, not me… never). Then some more work and then a relaxing New Year’s Eve with friends (at this stage I will most likely be comatose and fall asleep before midnight but let’s pretend I am a party animal this day).

Anyhoo, before I loose the thread completely (or my mind, not sure which is most likely) I just wanted to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a fantastic New Years!!! MUAH!!!!

“Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.”

“The Journey”

Ivy Blaise — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 22:31:05 +0000

I am not a great reader of poetry but I do occasionally come across pieces that I really like. Ever since I started blogging and writing I have also discovered a greater love of poetry. Whereas when I was younger I did not understand it and even as I might have seen the beauty of a poem, I could never truly grasp it.

I do not claim that I now understand but I feel that I better grasp the intended meaning, if only so by a little.

This poem by Mary Oliver is one of those that I really enjoy and I thought I’d share it with you:

The Journey

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice–

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

“Mend my life!”

each voice cried.

But you didn’t stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do–

determined to save

the only life you could save.

Window vents from hell (if hell ever freezes over)

Ivy Blaise — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 16:22:54 +0000

The heating is on full blast. I am wearing a knitted jumper over a t-shirt over a vest and guess what… I am still cold! The culprits are those blasted vents over the windows. They are like an open shaft straight out letting the gale-force winds right into my apartment. Vents that you cannot close. Did no-one tell the builders, when they put these apartments up, that this is Ireland and not Spain? It gets cold and windy and oh and yes, COLD here!

Am not amused. I will not even start on how cold it was last night in my bedroom. I was wearing socks. At least my cats have nice, warm fluffy fur. They are not too fazed about all this.

I have a day off today as I really needed to get my car serviced before any snow shows up but I will also talk to my landlord to get things sorted. I do not care if I have to duct-tape every vent myself. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

… putting pen to Christmas card

Ivy Blaise — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 13:20:22 +0000

The second advent candle is lit aaaand here we go again… It is once again time to write those ~~frustrating, easy-to-forget, I-have-no-idea-what-to-write,~~ wonderful Christmas cards. Every year it is the same story when it comes to writing and sending Christmas cards, as you might remember from last years post. There are some cards that kind off have to be written (let’s face it, my parents do not really get the whole e-card thing) and so I sit here once again trying to come up with something clever, joyful and most of all unique to put into the cards and as usual I have Christmas card writer’s block. Sigh…

On a positive note I have actually remembered to buy cards this year. I have not waited until I receive the first card in the post and then run like a manic, possessed woman into the nearest card shop to grab the first pack of cards… and not realizing until I get home that I bought a pack boldly stating “For Santa’s Naughty Boy” with a picture less than suitable to send to my parents. Ugh… yeah.

On my second cup of coffee now and… oh crap(!!)… I just realized I forgot to get stamps! Wonder if I could sneak these cards into the work mail…. hmm maybe not.

Well posting cards is needless unless I actually come up with something to write in them. Think I might brew another few cups of coffee – have I ever mentioned that one of the best buys I have ever made is my Gaggia espresso machine? I could probably write paragraphs about that but let’s not digress.

OK, time to stop ranting nonsense here and actually put pen to paper (or pen to card, if you are going to be picky about it).

and on my playlist…

Ivy Blaise — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 22:08:49 +0000

It has been a very busy week, once again. The week has just flown and I am now using the weekend to catch up on some quality time with my two furballs and just having some naps. I will hopefully have some moments to sit and write some decent post but for now I will just grab a book (“Angela’s Ashes” by Frank McCourt), get under my duvet, put on some music and just enjoy.

Not a new one but this one has made it onto my favorite playlist at the moment: