There are days when I am convinced that I can do anything. Then there are days when everything I lay my hands on crumbles into an almighty mess. Those not so good days do often occur when I attempt to do something that I am not so very adept at doing but where I still stubbornly strive ahead.
I do not like not being able to do something. It grates on my nerves and frustrates me. I am impatient, prone to temper outbursts when things don’t work out the way I want them to (yes, I know very childish) and hate feeling limited. I am also curious and this can express itself in many different ways. If something needs to be done then I’d like to know how to do it. This doesn’t mean that I have a problem letting someone else doing it, I just want to be able to it myself in case I one day might need to. This has meant that I paid attention when my Dad was telling me how to take care of a car. I also taught myself to wallpaper, to paint, putting together IKEA furniture and other practical things.When I learn to do something, anything from driving to painting to cooking, I want to learn to do it well so that I can look at it and say “This looks,works, feels good!”.
Now, there a few things that, no matter how hard I try, I cannot get my head around:
Computer issues. I happily use a computer every day. The problem arises when the computer doesn’t work the way it should do or even did just 5 minutes ago. My PC in work and I have an understanding… I won’t shout at it and it doesn’t crash on me. So far it has been a pretty good relationship. At home it is a more complicated situation as my connectivity is not only dependent of my laptop but also the firewall, wireless switch, file server and whatnot that my partner has set-up. Obviously this type of set-up is normal in a company but then there are hordes of IT technicians around to fix issues in companies… whereas at home it is just my poor partner laboring while I pace impatiently, muttering and sighing frustratingly behind him, crowding his space. It is not pretty, I am aware of it. There are however very few things out there that can drive me up the walls as quickly as a malfunctioning computer.
Unless, we enter the realm of sewing. This is a realm where I am totally ill at ease in. I feel lost even when entering a fabrics and alteration shop. I cannot sew at all. I wish I could. I wish I had the magic fingers that must be a prerequisite for this art. My Mum is very good at it and she would always fix ripped cuddly toys, sew up curtains or adjust clothes etc. I however do not seem to have the knack for it. I spent many years in school, in home economics, trying to sew, knit, embroider, you name it and failed every time. The teachers could not understand how I couldn’t get it and in the end one told me to change to wood/metal work and stick with that.
As an adult I would like to be able to at least sew some of the simplest things. But alas, I can’t. Not for lack of trying, I even bought a sewing machine that is supposed to be easy to use and great. But I now have crooked curtains instead as I tried to hem them myself and I just spend over an hour trying sew together a seem in a ripped t-shirt and a ripped seem in a pair of training trousers. It was a disaster. I am just very happy that no-one else was at home as they would most likely have gotten their heads ripped off (and not sewed on properly again… OK, very bad joke).
So I just have to face it… I can’t fix computer issues and I can’t sew the simplest things. It is annoying but for my own sanity I will just have to accept these limitations and live with it. At least my kitchen clock is working again, the house is clean, the cats claws are trimmed and some home-baked chocolate cookies are coming up soon. All in all not a totally wasted day.