A touch of wonder

Cover of Pippi Longstocking

They say that faith can move mountains or at least my mum has always told me so. I always wondered what that could mean. Did it mean that if you went to church and really believed what was preached that you could actually move things around with your mind? Cool! Hey, I know… give me some credit here.. I was a kid with a very vivid imagination.

Well as none in my family ever really attended any church, of any religion, that kind off made the whole saying even trickier to me. As I grew up I understood that this is a metaphor though part of me still likes the idea with moving this with my mind… what can I say.

As adults we apply this to “you can achieve anything you set your mind to” – be it in personal development, run a marathon, career and so forth. It is a very responsible and powerful approach. We spend large parts of our lives trying to achieve these goals.

But how does it all start? For me it all started with fairy tales. With stories from wonderful authors that make the pages come alive, creating a world of wonder where anything is possible. My absolute favourite author as a child was Astrid Lindgren. My favourite book was Ronja the Robber’s Daughter (Ronja Rövardotter) and The Bothers Lionheart (Bröderna Lejonhjärta). One of her most famous books is Pippi Longstocking – the strongest girl in the world. I have read these books so many times.

Looking back I think I have learned more from these books than from most “personal development” books. Reading these books I learned that friendship can heal any conflict, that hope always prevails (and you get to beat the dragon) and that girls are just as good as boys. These lessons were woven into the most amazing stories. They created in a sense a faith in the world that I always carry with me.

If we allow ourselves to dream and to believe, then we can tackle any obstacle no matter how impossible it seems. With a touch of wonder we can move those metaphorical mountains. What is stopping us really?

 

A shirt, a grim reaper and a whole lot of jo-joing…

Sooo… three weeks down the line with my “new improved me” plan and I feel good. Had a bit of a calorie hick-up yesterday (damn you Banoffie pie!) with sharing a divine dessert with a friend but apart from that I have managed to eat healthily and work out 6 times a week.

I tried on a shirt this morning. A shirt that has been too tight for at least 3 years… and it fit almost perfectly, just a tiny bit tight still. So that made my morning!

At the same time I am under no illusions that most likely the most I have lost at the moment is water and I am also very much aware that I need to have a slow but steady weight loss otherwise this will just not work.

I also checked my blood pressure again. It still is higher than what is good (surprise, surprise no changes after just 3 weeks) but it is at least not sky rocketed like it was at the doctor. I bought a blood pressure machine at the pharmacy so that I can check every once in a while. In regards to the doctor… well I will definitely continue to seeing the one that I actually can talk to. She is supportive of what I try to do and is helping and then we keep an eye on things and see how it progresses.

The other doctor (who unfortunately owns the doctors practice) I have now renamed as “Dr Grim Reaper”. The way that woman delivers news you will start to get the measurements for the coffin ready. I also think she gets commission on how many pills she prescribes. She is also not impressed with any of my plans to lose weight, change my eating habits etc.. oh no, medication is the only way. I mean OK, if my BP would be really really dangerously high then I would understand. If my blood sugar levels would be diabetic then ok fair enough… BUT this is not the case. I am not delusional… if my levels were really bad then I would not try to hide from that fact. My levels are not good and if I do not start to do something about it now then yes, it will become bad. This is something that the other doctor also told me. Hmm I wonder if those two ever talk.

Though I have to say, I am also worried. I worry that I will do all this and lose weight and feel great about it but still not lower my BP. I worry I will continue having high BP and that my blood sugar will go up and that I will have done all this and nothing changed. Yes, I know this is paranoid and yes it has literally only been 3 weeks but still… I do worry about these things.

Ugh!

So today I have jo-joed between: feeling great as the shirt fit again, feeling worried when checking BP and thinking “will it ever change?”, feeling happy about seeing progress in my tracker of what I have done so far, feeling paranoid about everything, feeling annoyed with myself that I worry, feeling great after having spend the afternoon cooking delicious healthy dinners for the week.

Yeah.

Weird day.

I am getting a lot of encouragement from friends and that really helps. I am really happy I started doing this. Now please, please let this work (and again.. YES I know it has only been 3 weeks.) Sigh.

 

Did the octopus win?

I am still alive after more than 2 weeks of working out 6 times a week. The work-out has been tiring but going a lot better than I expected.

Hitting the gym before work 3 times a week has opened my eyes to a new fact… I am much more energised and in a better mood than when I do not work out in the morning. I am tired yes, getting up at 6am is really not something I enjoy. I do however feel better. Combined with going to the club twice a week and then throw in a walk on Sundays as well; it is pretty full on. I am tired in the evenings so no party hours for me. Not that it is a big difference from before…

The healthy eating, especially in the evenings, has not been as easy. It has been hard to stay disciplined and not stray into munching on just something when I am bored. The chocolate cravings have been pretty severe as well. I have managed most days in fairness but have had a few weak moments. I am also learning more and more that some things that I thought were ok to eat a lot off are maybe not quite as healthy calorie-wise. I do not try to count calories per se but since I want to lose weight I do need to be aware of it a bit after all.

Went training at the club today again. It is freezing cold here at the moment and I really should have warmed-up better because once again I have managed to pull my neck/shoulder. SIGH. I knew that my neck and shoulder was starting to play up a bit again (the curse of working in front of a laptop all day long) but did I get it sorted before it was too late?? Of course not. Luckily one of the lads at the club took a look at my neck today. Bit of physio, a few acupuncture needles and some cupping later… it is a bit better. Will have a follow-up treatment soon as well so that will hopefully ensure a quicker recovery.

In regards to the cupping, I am now sporting several round shaped marks on my back. I look like I had a battle with a giant octopus! Now that will get a few weird looks in the gym next week. I laughed out loud when I looked in the mirror. It looks insane! This is the first time that I have had this done on me but I have heard about it before and heard that it is very beneficial. http://cuppingtherapy.org/pages/discolorations.htm It does look a bit mental though but then, as long as it does the trick all is good.

So here I am sitting on the sofa now with a warm neck&shoulder pillow, looking out at the falling snow, sporting some fetching marks and feeling pretty positive about this new health regime. Even with a stiff neck.

Now bring on next week.

My journey to Never Never Land… or something like that

When the third cold (after 2 colds and the flu) hit me within a period of 2.5 months, I had enough. I dragged my sorry arse to the doctor for a check-up demanding blood tests and a miracle (eh well, I never said I was all that logical…).

Hmmm blood tests booked and the miracle.. well, that will be up to me. The doctor also took my blood pressure and after a month on cold and flu medication and not enough sleep it was no surprise it was pretty darn high. That said… there is was. Even with the contributing factors I still have a blood pressure that is too high for my age. When the doctor started talking about starting to take medication I backpedalled quicker than any politician put on the spot. I left the doctor with a pretty sinking feeling.

Sat at home reading up on the various medications and the potential side-effects and I freaked. Then I came to a conclusion…. this will not go away magically. No matter how much I backpedal. Now the decision is up to me… I can either continue being a lazy bum that occasionally gets going and hits the gym/club and throws in some healthy food semi-regularly and then resign myself to eating chemicals medication OR I can at least try to make a difference and change my lifestyle and by that also my health.

So here I am. I am lucky enough that I have friends that are very good at what they do in their field of work/interest be it holistic Eastern health, physical training or nutrition. I am even luckier that they will help me out with a good plan and support.

This is week one. I have a plan for exercising. A plan for a better eating habits. And before anyone asks, no I will not just be living of salad leafs and carrots all day. I am also a realist and know that sometimes you need to allow yourself something in moderation. The 80/20 rule or 90/10 rule or whatever you want to call it. Luckily I really do like all kinds of food including lots of nice healthy stuff… I have just been too lazy to actually cook and prepare it.

The blood tests are done and once the results are back then the next step is to try to tackle this in a natural way. I spoke to my doctor who is supportive of this and we will keep an eye on my progress.

Let’s face it. I am stubborn. Unless this will miserably fail, I will not start taking any effing meds! IF however with weigh-loss, better habits and better health I still end up having an issue… then OK… then I will face other solutions.

I guess I am writing this post now so that it is out there. So that I cannot try to lie to myself and say I did not commit to do this. I know there will be times when I really do not want to go to the gym, take that walk, go to the club. When I really just want to vegetate on the sofa with too much crap food. The hardest things will be when I am bored. When I am bored, I munch.

So there it is. No more excuses. No more “oh has 2 months already passed since my new-improved-me-scheme without me actually starting it…”.

This will not be easy BUT I am actually feeling really positive about this. Maybe because this is it. I have no more excuses and this will mean that I finally will do what I always wanted to do but just never did. Maybe one of these days what I see in the mirror will actually match the person I see myself as. Then not having to take the medication will just be a side-effect to being healthy and feeling great.

On that note. I’m off to the club.

2013 and we are still here. Now what?

It’s the second week in January and lo and behold… the world did not end. Quelle surprise.

Instead it is the usual January blues with credit cards bills piling up, bleary eyed office workers turning up to work, off-licenses noticing a down-turn as the “white month” is in full swing and gyms bursting with sweaty new year’s resolutions.

It is a new year. Full with potential if you decide to grab hold and do more than just wish. For some it is a change of life-style, change of focus, change of perspective. For some it is yet another year of half-hearted resolutions given after too many glasses of champagne. Resolutions broken just as quickly as the bubbles dispersed.

I spent the last two weeks thinking about what I want for this year. What I would like this year to mean for me. I guess I got sick of always having more or less the same resolutions that always end up lasting until February (in a good year). Of course the whole “get fitter, work-out more often and regularly” is still very important but that is not a new year’s resolution. It is a life resolution and a very tough nut to crack. So yes, I will once again try.

Apart from that one then? What will be different from before? So I could focus on ensuring I reach my targets in work, lose weight, work-out (see above), eat healthily, try to make a positive difference in the world even if it is just a small one … but those are things I TRY to do all the time (not always successfully).

I think this year I will just go with a general wish of doing what makes me happy and to set goals as I go along. The road to achieving and reaching those goals is what matters.

Thinking about it… I have some amazing people in my life. People who inspire me. People who I care about deeply and unconditionally. People who care about me. With friends and family like that, what else can I wish for apart from spending time with those who matter to me?

The rest will follow naturally really – I will do my utmost to reach my targets in work so that I get the extra cash to see all. The work-out will follow as I need to improve fitness in order to be able to do the things I like with my friends and stay healthy. The weight-loss will slowly follow with the fitness and the healthy food follows the fitness (as I cannot eat crap when I have been working out, it just feels wrong). And if an action from me can put a smile on someone’s face and if an action somehow helps the betterment of this world then I have made a difference. I can wish for nothing more.

So there is my wish for 2013 and beyond. Happy New Year.

Act your age… or?

Age.

The other day the fire alarm went off in work. So down the stairs we went. I sit on the top floor. Taking the elevator back up was pointless, too many people queueing. So up the 6 floors we went once they let us in again. A person next to me was complaining that she was too old for this. I was laughing and saying “Don’t be silly, how old are you anyway?” The answer I got was “34″. I was shocked! This person seriously believed she was “older” and that this was too much. I am 36 and while I am no fan off taking the stairs in work, I also do not think that I am “too old” for it. Just a tad lazy.

This is not the first time that I have heard something like that. I remember a former colleague once going on about “at our age we should not be doing this or that”. She was the same age as me.

Many would argue, maybe correctly so, that society today puts a disproportionate focus on being young (read: 20) and that being young and “beautiful” is all the success you need. I do however also suspect that many use this as an excuse the other way around. “Oh poor me, I am no longer 22 so I cannot do this or that, don’t you understand? At our age (read: 30isch) we have to be careful and keep in mind our bodies cannot take it any more”.

It is a load of bull in my opinion.

Yes, I cannot handle hang-overs as well as I once could. Yes, my back is stiffer now than it was 15 years ago if I just sit around. Yes, I do seem to “heal” a bit slower as well. On the other hand, I am hardly THAT old.

While I sit here on the sofa I do not ache. The minute I stand up I notice that my back is sore, my legs hurt, my neck feels heavy and my throat is scratchy and sore. This is pretty easy to explain. I trained at the club on Thursday and also today. As an added bonus I am getting a cold and therefore have a sore throat.

I also feel great.

I enjoy physical activity better now at 36 than I did 15 years ago. I do not feel that my age is an obstacle any more than I did then.

While age is an inevitable fact and time will take its toll on our bodies, I believe that the biggest danger is our own mental age. Not our physical age. Sometimes the age lurks more in the mind than in the body. How is the old saying  again…. “You are only as old as you feel”… Otherwise we would not have 60-year olds that are perceived as”youthful” or perhaps a 40-something that seems ready for the last rites. Figuratively speaking.

Today I feel like I am 36 years old. I feel great. If this is being old, then it can only get better.

Our society should be better than this

As you all know I am an avid animal fan. I have two cats that are loved, cherished and spoiled like mad. I also love dogs and really most animal (OK… NOT a fan of spiders). I also understand that not all persons love animals with the same passion I do or even like animals. That is OK. I have no problem with someone saying that they prefer not to have a pet or be around animals. There can be many reasons for it and I can respect that. It is not everyone’s cup of tea.

What I cannot respect, abide or accept are people who are cruel and neglectful to animals. That actually makes me see red. Every day I read about cats and dogs that have been abandoned by their “owners” or mistreated. Sometimes it is a random cruelty acts against an animal that was just passing or has nowhere else to go.

I just read today again about a case where a family moved house and left their two cats behind. Just left. The cats were crying outside the front door to get in but no one opened the door. A neighbour took pity on them and called an animal organisation to find them a home. I am sorry but what is wrong with people?!?

I would love to get my hands on these people and ask them a thing or two…: How can you justify getting an animal and then just leaving them? How can you look yourself and your children in the eyes and say that it was the right thing to do? Was it too much of a bother to go to a cat shelter or try to find them a home if you are unable to take care of them? Will you try to justify it by saying that ah well they will be fine…? They will not be fine. They are domestic animals. Not a wild animal used to living outside. Instead you condemned them to starvation, illness and death in the cold. Maybe that is what you should explain to your children and then try to justify why you could not be bothered.

My own cat has this very history. He was abandoned and left when his family moved house. Left to fend for himself which is something he would be unprepared for and unable to do in reality. A neighbour saw him every day trying to get inside, to a home that no longer existed. He was brought to the DSPCA in the end and after 5 months there I was lucky enough to find him. I have never had a more grateful cat.

People who kick dogs and cats, throw stones after them and do worse things should have the same treatment done to them. I am sorry but that is my opinion. If you cannot respect the life of an innocent animal, if you hurt an animal out of pure spite then you are not a person worthy of pity, regard or sympathy. People like these are what makes human nature ugly. For me this is just as evil as mistreating children and your fellow-man. If you can hurt an animal you’ve already shown that you have no compassion. You have shown what you are capable of and it is ugly.

Without the animal welfare organisation that are out there many more animals would suffer. They see the worst of it all but they still go on and they make a difference. I admire these persons – day in and day out they see animals suffer and day in and day out they help and carry on. They are worth every penny and all the help that they can get.

Thankfully I also know many regular persons who make a difference and help in their own way. They feed strays, help finding owners when needed, protect these furry companions from those with evil intent. I know people who would not necessarily want to have a dog or a cat but that still would help. They would not abide seeing an animal being made to suffer. They would interfere and they would act. Because they are just decent human beings.

This is something I had to write because I do feel very strongly about this. I am sick of hearing of animal abuse. Our society should be better than this.

“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” – Mahatma Gandi

Alive and kicking with PJ’s and Zen

Do you ever get that almost euphoric feeling when your chest expands and life feels so full of potential that you do not know where to turn or where to start?

When there is so much you could do but yet you have no idea whatsoever what it is that you want to do?

I think that feeling, that expanding emotion – that is what life is. That is what it mean to feel alive. To feel THAT is what makes getting up worth it.

This is the feeling that some might feel when jumping out of a plane or seeing their new-born for the first time or perhaps it comes to those that feel they have found their inner Zen. And no, I am not talking about getting high. Even though I am sure some would claim that they get that feeling. I would not know, I can’t smoke for my life.

All that I do know is that it is a feeling that I have started to experience again for the first time in quite some time. And boy, does it feel good! I have not jumped out of an airplane (heaven forbid!) nor have I become a mother and trust me; I have not found my inner Zen… but I do feel that life is full of potential. I have no particular new reason for this feeling really.

My circumstances have not changed terribly much. Still skint (surprise, surprise) but maybe I have accepted it better and even though I feel like I have a non-existing social life I still have quality time with the people I care about, be they locally or not. My credit card is still not paid off… will it ever… but I try (emphasis on try!) not to use it too much and put a long-term plan to pay it of little by little and most importantly relax about it a bit. I still do not have a high-flying high-earning job but I did change roles and there is potential for the future even though I will never be on any high-earners list. I am still single and will not mention how long it is since I had sex (let’s not go there) but I am cool with being single and … ok … the sex bit is a bit of a drag but hey, it is not like I have been looking either so that is cool.

Maybe it is just very simple. Not much has changed for me but little things have and the one major thing that has changed is just me. How I look at myself and my life. A good friend of mine once said something like; when you are walking in a dark, deep valley you will eventually climb the mountain and reach the crest. I did not necessarily understand it fully. Because I was still stumbling around amongst the rocks at the bottom. At some stage I stopped stumbling. I do not know when and I do not know why. It is not like all the sudden things were great. There were things happening that did not make me feel great. Events that made me sad or frustrated. Somehow though, I started to see the potentials of things instead of letting them drag me down. I started climbing.

I have a new role in work that could possibly lead forward. It is not perfect but then what job is? However maybe just maybe I can, through hard work, actually make enough money to do something that really does make me feel happy – visit and spend time with people who I care about. If I can do that and get by in my daily life, paying my bills and hopefully be saving some money at some stage – then what else do I really need?

I am still not the size I would like or most importantly not in the physical shape I would like to be. This may be the most frustrating part because I am very impatient and not all that good with the whole self-discipline but I am getting better at it. Another thing as well – the more I go to the club and the gym the more I want to do it. So there is hope yet.

Being single is actually pretty cool. It suits me as well right now. I can do whatever, whenever and however I want. God knows I have zero time or patience to be dating. Just the thought of it alone gets me stressed. So that will just have to wait. Yes, it would be nice to share my life with someone at some stage. But right now I am actually feeling way too selfish to be doing so.

I still have an apartment that is fab but where they really did forget to insulate the bedroom so yes, it is bloody freezing but I also got the cosiest PJ’s ever. Yet another good thing about being single, I can indulge in wearing whatever I like. And I do have a thing for checkered flannel PJ’s.

The funny thing is that these are things that I have known about and could say all along. But I could not feel it. I would say the words but it felt empty. They were just words that I knew were right but that felt so far from what I was feeling that I might just as well have speaking of winning the lotto and moving to Tahiti – hmm I do speak of those things as well but you’ll hopefully get my drift.

Now however I do feel the impact of these positive things and it feels good. Whenever I feel a bit down and bitch about something (god knows that happens) then I sometimes just need a reality check. Because let’s face it – I have a job that is new, challenging and with a bit of luck can make my life a little easier. I have friends that mean very much to me. I have two furry companions that greet me and cuddle every day. And I have two pairs of checkered flannel PJ’s – what else could a girl want??

So yeah, I do get that feeling when my chest expands and all feels good. When I feel there is so much I want to do and I have no idea where to go first. That is because there is so much that I could do and little by little – I will do just so.

Now it is high time to climb into bed wearing my lovely PJ’s. Now THAT is Zen!

Amongst lakes, idyllic landscapes and laughter (and a few mosquitoes)

I am back to work now the last two weeks. Easing Stumbling back into everyday life… – funny how that happens so fast again even after almost three weeks off.

I had a lovely two weeks in Sweden visiting family. We have a few new family members this year and it was fun meeting everyone though I am not 100% sure of what they thought about meeting their “great-aunt”… lord, am I really a great-aunt!? Scary!

The two weeks were pretty hectic, seems like there were 50 people around most of the time. Not to mention several dogs, horses and cats. Even with all the visiting and seeing everyone; it was great. So much laughter and catching up.

I started in Copenhagen in Denmark and then went up the east coast of Sweden to my parents for a few days. I could only stay for a few days as they have a smaller apartment and with three adults, two cats and one dog it does get crowded. Not to mention that although I love my parents to bits; I can only take that many days before I go slightly mad. We then drove to my brother’s place which is inland. Well, I drove. I persuaded my Dad to let me drive his car. He was notably nervous as I mainly drive on the left hand side these days (he frequently reminded me every time we came to a roundabout…). Well let’s face it, I was not going to travel 200km at 60km/hour due to my Dad’s regrettably slightly diminished eyesight.

I stayed a good few days at my brother’s place. They live in the middle of nowhere. It is fab. So quiet at night. Surrounded by forest, horses, big dogs and seemingly a constant stream of people. Most days there were at least eight of us. I helped out a bit on the farm and loved it. Though I was less fond of those blasted horse flies and mosquitoes that took a liking to me. I did not understand why they were biting me like never before until I realized that they seemed to like the body-butter I used. So hint, hint… Body Shop’s Body Butter is great but avoid in the vicinity of horse flies. Though everyone else was grateful…

My sister and her partner (or maybe I should say boyfriend.. though can you really say boyfriend if someone is over 45?? Haven’t figured it out) arrived on her birthday so we had a great birthday celebration. I laughed until my belly hurt.

Then I left with my sister to go and see my nephew who lives in the most gorgeous idyllic place, in a place that is the essence of the county where I am from; Småland. He and his family live in this gorgeous red wooden house with white corners built in the 1600′s. They are surrounded by lakes, cows and more dogs and cats (seems to be an ongoing theme in my family).

Then as my last stop I stayed with my sister on the west coast of Sweden. Shopping, a bit of sunbathing (when the sun decided to actually make an appearance), a round of mini-golf (which I suck at ), lots of chats and laughter and meeting everyone else (and again some more dogs and cats).

The weather was not great unfortunately during my two weeks but I had so many laughs that it did no matter. Not to mention all the absolutely fantastic food. I normally do not have a second helping but during these two weeks I ate until I was stuffed til bursting point. Best food ever! Oh a few beers, cocktails and wine found its way to me as well…

Then it was back to Dublin for a few days of chilling. I rounded off my holiday with a long (20km) walk along the coast of Dublin with a good friend. The sun was shining (for once) and it was fabulous.

I’ll leave you with a few pictures. Hope you all had a lovely July as well!!

All quiet in the hood:

Småland:

Then there was a bit of time for just pure chilling as well:

What binds us

The bonds between friends, family and lovers are like intricate threads shifting in the wind. Sparkling with all the colors of the rainbow. Like shimmering gossamer in the sun. If we could but see them.

Across the universe threads drift, connecting every living being together. Some loosing an all too light connection. Some ripping apart. Some holding on forever.

With every being we meet and seek; a new thread is created.

Those illusive threads that stay strong have knots that could tell a tale of rife, of sorrow, of forgiveness, of understanding and an unyielding strength – if only we knew how to read them.

These are the threads we knit together with those we love.

In the fiercest gale the threads are stretched taut but do not break. In the darkest night they glimmer to show us the way. In the farthest distance they reach our hearts.

These are the threads we knit together with those we love.