What binds us

The bonds between friends, family and lovers are like intricate threads shifting in the wind. Sparkling with all the colors of the rainbow. Like shimmering gossamer in the sun. If we could but see them.

Across the universe threads drift, connecting every living being together. Some loosing an all too light connection. Some ripping apart. Some holding on forever.

With every being we meet and seek; a new thread is created.

Those illusive threads that stay strong have knots that could tell a tale of rife, of sorrow, of forgiveness, of understanding and an unyielding strength – if only we knew how to read them.

These are the threads we knit together with those we love.

In the fiercest gale the threads are stretched taut but do not break. In the darkest night they glimmer to show us the way. In the farthest distance they reach our hearts.

These are the threads we knit together with those we love.

What is love?

What is love?

It is a question that has been asked and answered throughout time. Each answer seems to trigger a new question. The search is never-ending.

Poems have been written, songs composed, films created – all to describe, answer and seek love.

Some find it, some loose it, some are still seeking. The variety of love is endless. Love for a friend, love for a partner, love for family… etc . Some varieties we can understand or at least relate to. Some we can never grasp unless we experience it ourselves.

Love is a very personal thing. It can mean different things to different people. For some it is all-encompassing, a passionate roller-coaster breaking all boundaries and moving mountains. For some it is the steady beat that never ends. For some it is tragically lost and then found again – in all its bitter sweetness. And so forth in all it’s variety.

Love can also change. Change shape, change beat. It can gently enfold us. It can knock our breath away. It can cause unbearable pain. It can make it all worthwhile. It can be shouted across the roof-tops. It can be a silent whisper.

What is love?

 

To belong

Image by papadont via Flickr

To belong. Is that not what many of us search for and need? To feel part of something. To be part of that group, that place, that cause. I believe most of us do have a need to belong somewhere. Granted, some need it less and some more.

By belonging we find a certain security. A purpose. A sense of togetherness.

Of course we are capable of being on our own. We can choose to stay apart. As individuals we decide and as individuals we also need to be happy on our own. It is vital that we are. It is important that we achieve happiness with only ourselves as company. Once we have that, then we can choose to be part of something else and give without compromising who we are.

It is so easy to just search for something to be part of – if it be a group, a cause or a partner. It is easy to fool ourselves that that is what will make us happy. That will take away that feeling of being lost and adrift. The question is… does it though? I believe it may numb it. Cover it up. A make-belief. Until that lost feeling resurfaces again and then the next search starts. A never-ending story.

Knowing and accepting oneself is difficult. I know that I sometimes struggle with it and I dare say most do. I also know that if I am happy then finding that sense of belonging is more rewarding. I belong because of who I am, not because I change into someone who I think will fit the bill.

There are days when I feel lost. Days when I feel awkward and think I do not belong. Days when I doubt if people around me really like me for who I am. Those are the days when I let that stupid little insecure voice that resides inside win. Those are the days I have to give myself a good kick. Because really… I know that I have people around me that care and like me, for whom I am. People that I, in turn, care about and like for who they are.

We all try to belong, in one way or the other. Sometimes we just look too hard and do not realize that we already do. Sometimes we need to give ourselves a break and not listen to those little insecure voices that try to mess with our heads – just tell ‘em to get lost.

It’s all in your head…

A kiss

Light as a feather. But a breath away. A hint of things to come.

Heart pounding wildly. The sound echoing between the walls. Trembling.

The first tentative touch. Oh, that first gentle touch. So soft.

Breath catching. Darkened eyes, fire on fire. Whispered words heard.

Desire at war. Exquisite intimacy. At last.

Do you believe in monogamy?

Image via Wikipedia

While I was away on my holiday I still tried to be online every once in a while, cos let’s face it… I am way to curious about what is happening everywhere. It was during this time that a blog post from the lovely Nikki B, on monogamy, caught my attention. Read it, share it, discuss…

I shared the post with my sister and others and it seemed everyone had an opinion on this subject. This prompted me to do a post about this, trying to consolidate the points raised.

Traditionally monogamy has long been the “correct” way to live your life – the whole “for ever and ever ’til death do us part”. I look at my parents who have been married for over 50 years – was it meant to be that way?

Going back generations, life was very much different. Life was harder, more physical demanding and taxing healthwise. People created a family and died much earlier than today. The sanctity of marriage and a monogamous family life ensured that the next generation had a stable, safe ground to grow up in. Time to rear children was limited and many did not live many years after this was done. Yes, I am generalizing now but I hope you get my drift.

This idea that we are meant to be with one person our whole life no longer seems viable. Today’s generations are very much different. The health care of today (First World countries) ensures longer lives well past our biological child rearing years. During my discussion the most common opinion I encountered is that we today are a society mainly made up of serial monogamy. (No big surprise there.) That life today has several stages.

Starting out young. Falling in love and promising never-ending love for all time. Maybe in the late teens or early twenties. The following years people change a lot. The influences are too many to count and as individuals all develop and sometimes the person they are with develops in a different direction. The first cracks in the foundation of the relationships appear and for many it is the beginning of the end.

More mature (hopefully) and perhaps looking for someone to start a family with the next stage takes shape. Children are born and raised. Life is all about schools, activities, parenting. Life becomes a project to keep afloat. Then when the children have flown the coop – then what? Can the relationship survive this transition? For some it does and for some… it doesn’t. Once again people have changed and developed.

Entering maturity and with many years still ahead people try to find someone to be with that matches their desires, hopes for the future and love.

These stages are just an example raised. In my opinion these and more stages exist for almost all of us, in infinite variety. With kids or not, with same-sex partners or not. Etc.

Enter the next discussion – would you be in an open relationship? Personally… I am not sure. I have no problem with anyone else wanting to do so but me… I am not sure I’d like to share. Might sound a bit silly but there it is. It is not that I am a jealous person. I have actually never been jealous of any of my previous partners. I believe jealousy rears its ugly head due to insecurities and doubt and I can honestly say I trusted the guys I was with at the time. BUT knowingly sharing my partner with someone else… hmmm it is an interesting concept and I will never say never. Most of the people I spoke to about this were very hesitant to the idea. Not condemning it (which is great) but it was not something they were interesting in trying themselves. Maybe I will delve deeper into this subject in a future post.

The most important thing to remember is that we must keep an open mind. Serial monogamy, one person for life, open relationships or whatever variety is out there is a personal choice. Not everyone wants an open relationship or to be with one person in a committed relationship all their life. We must choose what feels best for ourselves and what makes us happy. At the same time we must understand that others around us might want something different and that it is nothing wrong with that. Being open, understanding and keeping a discussion alive to see the different point of views that are out there. Not too much to ask for really is it?

 

Senses and images.

The last two weeks have passed really, really fast and I am once again back in Dublin. I have had a great time in Sweden and could write a long detailed account about all the good times, hysterical laughs, great conversations, lively discussions, divine wines drunk and fabulous food eaten… but… I decided not to. Instead I will focus on what tickled my senses and share a few photos with you.

Because it is easy to just write down a point by point description of what I did but this was a holiday that I tried to experience with all my senses. In a way that really relaxed me and did what it was supposed to do – recharge me. So I will try to do my best to convey this to you. If I fail, well then at least you will know one thing… it still was a fabulous holiday!

Laughs with my brother. The smell of paint in the summer air. The sun warming in my back as I work away. Muscles aching in the evening. Feeling relaxed.

The scent of freshly cut grass. The adrenaline when I nearly keeled over – lawn mover go-kart…

That first taste of a cold beer after a day outside. The divine smell from the BBQ.

The sense of calm in the forest. Seeing the light filtering through the trees. The peace all around.

The amazing scent of fir trees after a warm summer shower.

The sweet taste of wild strawberries.

The belly aching laughs when playing Kinect with my sister and brother. The groans of embarrassed despair when seeing the recordings of said gameplay.. (and forget it, NOT sharing those.. ).

The beauty of all the many small lakes dotted between the trees. Sinking into warm still water as the sun sets. The faint sound of buzzing insects.

The smell of the salty ocean. The laughter from children running into the water. Sand between my toes. The sun warming my tummy. The intoxicating scent of sun-kissed skin. Feeling the world slowly tuning out as my eyes get heavy and I snooze in the sun.

The smooth taste from a 10yr old Tullamore Dew single malt. Feeling thoughtful, happy and content in the evening sun.

Calm sea. Not even a breeze to be felt. Distant cries from seagulls echo across the water.

Walking through Ale forest along the coast. A bird sanctuary can be found in a small swamp. The green colours are amazing. The buzzing and blood sucking mosquitoes are not as amazing. The itching bites are annoying but still… part of summer.

The food… oh the fabulous food. Every bite to be savored. Taste bud heaven.

The stormy spray of sea mist. The wind blowing through my hair. Giggles as we try to get at least one pic we both can live with.

In my next life I want to be a cat owned by me….

These two furballs are what greet me every morning and every evening. They never fail to make me smile with their antics. I do not care if some think I am a crazy cat lady going on about my cats a bit. I could not see myself living without a pet.

The bedroom is the favorite place, when allowed in.

Yes? What’s up with the interruption?

Under the duvet is the best spot according to Stitch.

Bring it on! Stitch always starts… and always loses…

Stupid leash…die!

This water tap thing is annoying… and wet!

My assistant Cirrus overlooking work.

Stitch… the poser of the house.

Cat prison?

This cat nap business is very important.

My big sun worshiper.

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” – Nobel prize-winning author Anatole France

To my friends near and far

To my friends,

I was sitting 30 000 feet up in the air thinking about the people in my life. I realised that I am not very good at expressing myself when it comes to saying how much you guys rock, so I decided it was well overdue.

So this is to all of you that I count as my friends. Some near and some far away. Some of you I see almost everyday, some often and some hardly ever or I haven’t actually met you face to face.

You have all been there for me in the last whirlwind of my life. You have listened, advised, metaphorically held my hand, let me write, let me vent, let me wallow, told me that things will get better, given me hugs, poured me wine, offered me a bed, made me laugh, shared bad jokes to make me giggle. Taken my mind off things. You guys know who you are.

I cannot guarantee an end of my wallowing quite yet but feel that things would have been much more difficult without you all. I feel blessed to know such a great bunch of people. You are the best and I love you all to bits.

Thank you <3

Where did I put that cup again..?

Image via Wikipedia

One word, nah make it two, describe how I feel lately. Mentally exhausted. It is like if my brain is doing an Iron Man every day and forgot to tell me about it. I go to bed exhausted, dream weird stuff, wake up just as tired again.

I start doing something, like boiling the kettle, and then I walk off and forget about it. The amount of times I had to pour cold tea into the sink because I forgot to drink it or because I left the tea bag in and it had now reached the strength to rival a nuclear blast… I have lost count.

I really have to kick myself to ensure I focus in work. I manage… with lots of coffee. No news there. Yes, there have been moments when I managed to get by, by the skin of my teeth. I am just lucky I have great colleagues and a good manager.

Yes, my life is a bit of a mess right now. It is not easy to re-adjust to being single after a long relationship. The most exhausting thing is the fall-out of all that needs to be sorted BEFORE you can move on. It is not like I can just skip away and forget everything and not having to deal with responsibilities such as house, banks, a life.

Yes, I know it will be easier, for everyone involved, once time has passed. All I long for right now though is sleep. Blissful sleep and that perfect moment just when you wake up – just before any thoughts or memories invade you mind – that moment when all is well and good in the world.

Night all.

Being a woman

I love a good banter. When the words snap out fast, the come-backs come even faster and the smirks that follow can turn boring times into fantastic moments. My partner and I were discussing chocolate. I state that for some women chocolate is a substitute for sex… when he points out that it is good then that he is not a woman (this as he tries to steal my chocolate). This obviously means that I say that he couldn’t handle it anyway – being a woman that is, referring to the superior beings that we are. Well and on that way it was. It was good fun.

Afterward it got me thinking… about being a woman. What it means to me and would I want it any differently. Would I want to be a man? Well maybe for a day or a week. Just to try it out. It could be fun I think.

Would I want to change it forever?

No.

I like being a woman. Yes there are many things that I am not too fond off (PMS anyone?!) but overall being a woman rocks. What’s there not to like? We have bodies that can go through amazing changes. Each of us have the potential to look amazing. We bond, we connect, we love, we fight for our right to be treated just the same as anyone else and we never give up.

I could go into the whole debate about equality or how what I describe is not applicable to what other women feel or what they stand for but you know what… I won’t cos this particular post is not about that. Neither is this post about how women are better than men and so forth. This post is purely about how I feel about being a woman and what it means to me.

Women are beautiful. There is softness, gentleness and a caring nature. There is dynamism, strength and unrelenting fierceness. Let’s face it … there are multiple-orgasms… what else can I say?

So to all the women out there… always treasure who you are and never forget to celebrate the fact that you are a woman. Cos it rocks… seriously!