Do we “get” anyone, really?

Posted: January 19, 2011 in Life, Life changes, Reflections, Thoughts
Tags: , , , , , ,

In work at some stage today the subject of teenage angst and being a teenager came up. We talked about how most of us would not want to go back to when we were around 15. All the insecurities, trying to find our place in the world, wanting to be unique but at the same so desperate to fit in. Fretting about if so and so likes us, wanting to be part of the right gang or full of disdain for the others not part of “our” group.

The drama. The commotion. The hormones. The emotional roller coasters. Feeling misunderstood. The black&white aspects of our young lives.

So what has changed?

We might have gained some more confidence. Gone through serious relationships. Experienced the ups and downs of everyday life. Gained a better understanding of where we are in life. Realized life floats more in a gray-scale than in black&white.


Are we not still searching? Trying to be part of something meaningful? Fitting in with people we like and respect? Being understood?

Do you feel that people “get” you?

It struck me when I was driving home that I often feel that people do not “get” me at all. I do not mean that they do not understand my weird sense of humor or that people do not understand what I say (even though that does happen…). It is more on a deeper, knowing someone really well level. I believe that it is easy to know someone skin-deep but going further is unusual. It is hard. Not only does the person you want to get to know, have to open up but you must also dare to really try to get to know the other person. It requires a lot of work, patience and  involvement. Things that most are too busy to deal with.

Sometimes you can run into people who seem so easy to get to know. Where you can feel that you have known them for years. Then why can it be so much more difficult with others? Even people who you actually like? Maybe the people who seem so easy to get to know really are more multifaceted that we think. Maybe we are only getting a glimpse of who they really are.

Or maybe some of us are just too weird. Too complicated. Too demanding?

Isn’t that a great feeling?…

Or maybe I should just stop listening to angsty music (read: “Absolution” by Muse) in the car while stuck in traffic. I tend to think too much.

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    I don’t think “get” is an absolute, yes/know, black/white, 1/0 term. Someone can get us more and more as they get to know us, and I don’t think there’s a cutoff before which someone doesn’t get us and beyond which someone does. It’d be like asking, where does red end and orange begin on a rainbow?

    So, in this respect, I agree that no one will ever get us completely (i.e., know absoutely everything about us). Still, I think it’s possible to come close….

    • Ivy Blaise says:

      Yes knowing someone 100% is an unattainable goal. It is as you said possible to come close but I do believe it is getting harder to do so. People are so busy with their everyday life today that the effort involved suffers somehow. Ah well…

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    It’s funny that you say that. I actually believe the opposite (sort of). With the advent of social networking and, well, blogging, I feel like we get a much deeper insight into people than we generally would if it’s only through real-life interactions. Well, at least the people who’re willing to share.

    Case in point, 10 years ago, how would I have ever known how someone in Ireland whom I’ve never met feels about “getting someone”? 😉

    • Ivy Blaise says:

      😀 I agree with you to a point. Social networking has opened up the possibility to meet new people but in the same time it has also made relationships shallower. It is too easy to just avoid someone, if something they say or do does not suit, instead of making the effort understanding and discussing etc.

      At the same time people open up more via blogging and so forth but then it is still, for many, an edited reality. Not that I edit really to be honest… couldn’t be bothered with creating a different persona. Way to complicated. 🙂

  3. nikki04 says:

    Sometimes I think I just moved from caring whether or not people “get” me to not caring.

    However. That being said? I’ve recently realized that I grew up around people who wanted to “get” me – and other people. Despite the drama that sometimes occurred, for much of my life, until a big move about 5 years ago, people really did get to know each other deeply. That, in turn, led to some issues as people clashed, but we always moved past it, because we love each other.

    Now, I am not so sure. I have a great group of friends where I am now, but I’m not always convinced they care to “get” anyone. The relationships seem shallower, and people are more likely to walk if they don’t like what you have to say. It’s very weird, and me being an often brutally honest person with my heart on my sleeve, has not always fit in. People have left, and I have known it was good that they did. They don’t “get” me, nor did they care to.

    I think it takes a long time to get to know anyone. No matter how easy it seems to be on the surface. When you feel like you’ve known someone forever, you should be careful with that. I’ve learned you don’t really know people all that well – not for a good long time, and after you’ve been through some shit.

    Umm… my long-winded two cents.

    • Ivy Blaise says:

      That is kind of my experience as well. I have a few good friends from earlier where everyone made more of an effort. Been through the shits and still are friends.

      It seems more shallow now somehow and it just a lot of chit-chat. People avoid you when something is said that doesn’t suit them. Most times it is for the best.

      Most times I do not care as it obviously is too much effort for them to bother but sometimes it gets me thinking. It does take ages to get to know anyone and that is what makes it interesting. There is always something new to learn about people, if you make the effort.

      I like long-winded comments. by the way. 🙂

  4. Getting to know someone is really hard, coz’ most of the time we wish that someone understood us. But one thing I have learnt, the more I listen, and the lesser I give conflicting statements to the speaker, the more I am at peace.

    At the end of the day, the few people I care about n vice-versa r the ones who I still would open up to. N v all r like the wine in the cellar, the longer we spend time, the more v talk n the more v accept…the relationship stays treasured.

    Life always has something to teach us daily…

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