When the battle is lost but the struggle is not…

Posted: May 3, 2011 in Life, Reflections
Tags: , , , , , ,

We all have moments when we are not at our best. When life feels overwhelming. When things get to us. When hiding away is tempting.

I struggle with moments like this. I do not like feeling vulnerable, not in front of others or even myself. I normally fight these moments with all I got.

Sometimes though, it is a loosing battle. These are the times when I feel at a loss. I do not know what to do or where to turn. On one hand I do not want to burden anyone with my issues, whatever they may be, even as I know that my friends would be there for me. On the other hand I want nothing more than hear that all will be OK and that people care about me. Pride is a fickle thing.

These low points in life can show up out of the blue sometimes, for no apparent reason. It is not easy when they do. They leave me feeling shaken and vulnerable. I am at the end of a low point at the moment (the reason that triggered it does not matter now) but I am starting to turn the corner.

I pride myself on being self-sufficient. I can take care of myself. I have my faults, like every one else, but I know who I am. What I do not know yet, I am finding out. Gaining knowledge of whom I am is an ongoing process. I have found a strength and a conviction in me that I was not quite aware of previously. I am slowly learning that it is OK to ask for help sometimes. I also have an inborn stubbornness in me that refuses to let me linger in misery for too long.

So yes, this particular battle was lost. I am not losing in the end though. I may fall down many times… but I am getting up each time stronger. Both with help from friends and because I refuse to lay down. I try to learn lessons from the low moments and go on. The good moments are what I choose to define my life with. Life is too short for anything else.

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Comments
  1. And Another Thing says:

    When all else seems lost, the best thing to trust is your instincts. They can bring you home. Best of luck with everything

  2. Bob says:

    Hang in there girl. You’re doing just fine, it’s only that big brain of yours fucking with ya.

  3. Yep, pride is a fickle thing. And also? Fried is a pickle thing. Have you ever had fried pickles? That alone would lift me out of the deepest rut.

  4. nikki04 says:

    Oh man. You know I am there with you on this one.

    Ask for support. It makes a world of difference. If it’s really what you need, it’s loads better than pretending all is well and *hoping* someone will figure out you need some love.

    Oh, Ps… *love*.

  5. Loosing the battle is what we feel at times but you are still there around; so it’s not completely lost. We all loose battles but we just pick ourselves up and get back into the line. 🙂 And looking back in the end, it may seem a trifle of a struggle. Just hang in there. 🙂 You’ll make it through. A big hug and a beer e-shipped to you 🙂 !!

  6. Reaching out can be so hard to do (I totally identify with you on this!), but sometimes what you get by doing so is worth more than what you lose by resisting. I hope you are feeling better now (I see this post is from a few days ago….how did I miss it??!). Hugs!!

    • Ivy Blaise says:

      I do feel better now. Thanks for the hugs!! They always help. I know what you mean when you say about gaining more… it is very very true.

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