Remembering and learning…

Posted: May 16, 2011 in Life, Life changes
Tags: , , , , , , ,
Scenic photograph of Kalmar Castle in the summ...

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I remember when I got my first apartment in Kalmar, Sweden. My own place. I was 21 and all excited about having my space. I had just started my second year in university. Most of my close friends where either away traveling or studying in a different town… so I had plenty of time to myself. This was before Facebook, Twitter or even before I had a mobile phone. Social networking was very much more face to face but as I never really connected to people in my university at the time, I enjoyed my own company more often than not.

I spent my time reading, writing letters (at the time my handwriting was still legible), watching videos or studying. Now that I think back, I realize there were actually quite a few days when I did not speak to a single person. When I did not hear my voice at all. This did not bother me. I just remember that sometimes I was so absorbed in my own mind that it almost felt strange talking to the store clerk or the guy in the video rental place.

Do not get me wrong – I did go out and meet up with people. I did have a social life, albeit a very scattered and slightly boring one, compared to most others my age. I cannot recall how many books I read. I had so many from going through every used bookshop i could find. I plowed through the classics, the trashy novels and the sociology textbooks with the same speed.

Was I happy then? In a way I was. It gave me time to think, to mull things over. It was a stark contrast to the years before. I moved away from home at 16 as my senior secondary school was too far away. I was just a little girl, though at the time I denied this to the ground… of course. Those 3 years before university were one of the happiest years I have ever had. I made great friends and had a blast. The direction that I had chosen in school was the study of languages, history, philosophy and psychology. I loved every minute of it. Unfortunately all good things come to an end, so they say.

Then came 2.5 years of studying in university. Of a time spent contemplating in quiet. However after 2 years I was ready to quit and leave university. I felt alone and studying no longer held the same fascination for me. I was persuaded by my sister to stick it out that last year. In my last semester a whole bunch of exchange students came to the university. A lot of things changed. In the first time in years I went out of my way to get to know new people. I fired fully on all cylinders again. I met my best friend, who remains that still. My life became full of laughter, parties and noise again.

When the semester was over I was devastated. I realized that I needed both worlds – the quiet moments but also moments of laughter with friends about the silly things in life. All the contemplation in the world makes no difference if you do not have someone to share it with. Be it a partner or friends. At least this rings true for me.

It took me two weeks to get rid of my apartment, call up the university in the U.K that my university in Sweden had an exchange program with and sign up for another year. Then I moved country, vowing that I would have a good time.

I have had both good and bad times since… but I learned one thing back then that it took me a long time to realize. We need to try all kinds of ways to be in order to figure out who we are deep down.

I have not stopped since. I am still figuring it out. Maybe one day I’ll know. I will keep you posted.

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Comments
  1. Movedup says:

    Don’t sweat it Ivy. Once thing I have learned in my 47 years is that… you never stop learning… you never stop having those moments to contemplate… you never stop laughing unless of course… you choose too. Live your life as a exclamation not an explanation.

    • Ivy Blaise says:

      “Live your life as an exclamation…’ I like that one! 🙂 I am incredibly curious so I will probably always look for some sort of explanation, mainly because I do find it interesting. BUT as you point out… it should not be the overriding factor. It is a good thing we never stop learning. Life would be pretty boring without it.

  2. Bob says:

    Carpe dium – seize the fish! In this case carp but I am ssure any aquatic member will do.

  3. You’ve been through a great voyage of self-discovery

  4. nikki04 says:

    How much do we really know ourselves? And even when we think we’ve figured it out, life throws you a curveball. We will always be evolving. XOXO.

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