Can you spell r.e.b.o.u.n.d?

Posted: May 30, 2011 in Life, Life changes
Tags: , , , , ,

This is a subject that I have thought about a lot lately which is not a surprise really considering the change in my personal circumstances. I have known and know enough friends and acquaintances that “get over someone by getting under someone else”. The well-known expression is alive and kicking.

I have always frowned upon this sentiment a bit because I do not believe it is the right way to deal with such an emotional change in your life. I have never really understood it. For me it seemed slightly flippant and almost dismissive in regards of a previous relationship. Which is the point I guess.

Well, I can say that I have gained a much greater understanding for why anyone has and would want a rebound straight after a break-up. I have not gone down that route myself. I never wanted it from the beginning and I felt that I had so much going on in my head as it was that I could not invest myself in any new relationship. However, there are times I wish I had. Because let me tell you… it would have been easier right now. Much easier.

What is a rebound but a self-confirmation that you still worth being with. That you still count and are desirable. Proof that someone wants to be with you. A way to push away all the issues that caused the rift. Locking away the dark, heavy thoughts and focusing on the new wonderful moments of a new relationship. Sounds great eh?

But…

The issues.. the underlying emotions are still there. Those heavy thoughts no-one really wants to deal with. They will simmer under the surface and wait. Wait until a moment when the lock breaks and then they will burst forth and wreak havoc. This can happen in one go or slowly sour the next relationship. Then we are back in the same place again. Having learned nothing and lost again.

So here I am trying to figure out what I feel. Trying to push through these heavy thoughts. Trying to learn. Trying to understand myself. And let me tell you… it is damn hard. You realize things about yourself that are not all that nice. You realize things that feel uncomfortable and you have to deal with it. It is a process that takes a long time and never seems to end. It is draining and wears you out. A rebound feels so tempting at times.

I will get through this though and when I have I will hopefully feel whole again. When I feel at peace and happy in my own skin… then I can look for a relationship again, if I choose to do so. I truly believe that in order to be truly happy with some else you first need to be happy with whom you are. One thing at a time. At least this is what I keep telling myself.

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Comments
  1. nikki04 says:

    Nice one Ivy!

    You know I wholeheartedly agree with you on the whole re-bounding thing. Feels better, but never the best idea, for all the reasons you mentioned. Plus, I have a hard time taking any one seriously who bounds from one relationship to another. How does any one of them mean any thing really significant if they are so easily replaced?

  2. Ivy Blaise says:

    Yes I know what you mean.
    xoxo

  3. Yeah, I totally *get* what you mean in this post, and how tempting a rebound relationship might be….if for no other reason than simple confirmation of all those things you mention.

    But I think you are wise to wait, and sort out all your “stuff” first. Good luck with that aspect……and may brighter be days and new adventures be on your horizon soon!

  4. Movedup says:

    Rebound – definitely a bad idea all the way around. One rebound lasted over a year and a half mostly because I was trying to convince myself that he was “the one”. Not even close. Then a rebound from that rebound that ended shortly with me having to be the honest bad guy. Sorry but I don’t love you I just needed someone for awhile, I have changed my mind and you have more red flags that a spanish bullfight. Took a while to shake that one off my tail no matter what I did or said. Shouldn’t have gone there in the first place. No decided that was NOT a good course of action and spent some time alone before venturing out again. Best thing really. Even thou I am in a great relationship now – I still on occassion have the need to be alone for awhile (a day at best) just some me time and I can honestly say he respects that.

    • Ivy Blaise says:

      Sounds like you tried, tested and threw out the whole rebound idea. Glad to hear you have a great fellow and some time to yourself as well. Some me time is one of the most important things out there.

  5. Movedup says:

    You got that one right Ivy. The nice part is that he also supports what I do – whether I am in testing for the next belt rank or breaking boards – he is there with the camcorder and is not afraid to hold a board for me. Thou I have been known to put him into an occassional wrist lock in my sleep LOL he takes it all in good stride. Believe me its alot of fun to have him chase me around the house with the blocker and *try* to smack me with it. LOL foreplay!

  6. For all the reasons you mentioned, I’ve never been one to rebound. I’ve never been one to be bound, either.

    I usually just sit home watching “The Sound of Music” with my cats until I’m ready to date again. I’m not sure that’s the best approach, but it gets the job done.

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