Those of you who read this blog know that I have been single for a while now. Single for the first time in many years. It still is “early days” considering the length of time that I was in a relationship but somehow the counting of weeks, months no longer matters to me.

It is funny how differently people cope and act when they become single. Everyone has a different coping mechanism. For some it triggers a great many changes, for some nothing much seems to change – outwardly anyway.

For me the hardest challenge was just being on my own. Do not get me wrong, I do like alone time. I need and crave it at times – always have. But it is different when you find yourself alone when you come home every day. It takes some getting use to. It threw me a bit for sure. Because even with everyone telling me that I need to appreciate my own company and be happy with myself etc it does not mean that it automatically happens. It is bloody hard work. Harder than I thought it would be.

Instead of cherishing the time I had to myself I felt anxious. I felt lost and lonely. Many times I felt anger. Anger at myself for not coping on, anger that I could not feel content in my own skin and anger at life in general. Patience is not my strong suit.

Friends pointed out the importance of being happy on my own. I discussed it with people around me. I spent hours reading and researching the topic. It was a topic I dwelled on a lot. At some stage I got sick of it.

I decided that I will do whatever I enjoy and just see what happens. I know that I love spending times with friends. Having a laugh. Seeing new places again. Getting re-acquainted with myself. Not fretting so much. Realizing that change does not happen over night. That there will always be good days and bad moments. That life happens no matter what and only I can decide how to react to it. No-one can do that for me. Yes – others can help, inspire, guide and just be there but I alone decide what affects me and in what way.

Today I went for a walk in the local park on my own and suddenly it struck me. I was enjoying myself. I did not feel that I HAD to have someone with me. I would not have minded company, as I do enjoy it, but I was just as happy walking on my own. I felt good. My own company was – IS – perfectly fine.

The journey is ongoing and I am taking it easy. I guess things just fall into place a little at a time. So what is the point I am trying to make with this post? Perhaps by sharing my own personal experience I can let someone else know that it does get easier. When all those people around you say that you need to find comfort and happiness within yourself and you are struggling – give it time and do not worry too much. You will get there, if you give it a chance.

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Comments
  1. After assuming the identity of being a “couple” for so long, it is soooo hard to suddenly have to identify oneself as being ‘single.’ I feel for you, but am so glad that it sounds like you are slowly making peace with it.

  2. Going from being two to just being with yourself is difficult. Sometimes, it feels real lonely and a tad eerie. You think of the good times, the fun moments and then you sigh to yourself. And then one day, a certain calmness comes over and at last, you are at peace with yourself. It takes time but ultimately, you will be happy. As you already said, it’s about giving yourself a chance.
    It took me a while to figure things out and be back with myself.

    I’m real happy to know that you are happy walking on your own. Have a lovely day, or may I say a lovely walk !!

  3. Nikki B says:

    Um yes this. This right here.

    Time, space… but also some work, some re-focusing… etc etc etc.

    Great post! You said it all! XOXO!

  4. After I ended a long-term relationship about three years ago, my cats brought me a lot of comfort. That is the understatement of the century. They made it easier to come home, because I knew they were waiting for me, and they’d sit with me and sleep on my head and make me feel a little less alone. I hope your cats are doing the same for you.

    • Ivy says:

      Cats are just brilliant that way. Mine are definitely doing the same. They make sure to keep me on my toes and cuddle up when needed.

  5. Thanks for writing this post and sharing what you’re going through. I recently am single as well, and quite honestly it’s refreshing to hear that others (like you!) are doing their best to embrace the changes they’ve been faced with and take on new life changes with grace. Best to you.

    • Ivy Blaise says:

      I would not have it any other way. Change happens, whether we initiate it or not, and how we deal with it defines how it effects us. I hope your journey goes well and wish you many positive changes and good days ahead.

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