When I am all grown up…

Posted: October 30, 2011 in Life, Life changes
Tags: , , , ,

You know those question you got as a kid and then as a teenager? The “what do you want to be when you grow up”?… yeah those. I could never give a distinctive answer. The truth is, I still can’t. This has bugged me for a long time. At some stage I was getting worried there was something wrong with me. How come I could never answer that? I felt I just muddled along while the years passed and I was not even a tiny bit closer to answering the question. I envied those who knew what they wanted.

Most of the time I have felt that I’ve played pretend. Just going with the motions. Get a job, get a house, be a responsible adult, bla bla bla. Was this what I wanted… well I cannot say that I did not want it at all. At the time it made sense. However I did not feel fully satisfied. Once again, not knowing what I really wanted.

I read this back and a part of me is now saying “For God’s sake, get over yourself! Deal with it, it is life. Stop moaning.”… and I am sure many others who read this would echo those words.

Another part of me realizes that maybe I will not know. Maybe I will search for a long time. Trying different things to see if they fit. One thing is certain though, if I do not at least try then I will never know and always wonder.

I will try to no longer worry too much about “what I will become when I grow up”. If I continue doing so then I will one day wake up and find that too many years have passed and all I have done is worried and not lived. That is far scarier.

Don’t worry, I will not all the sudden pack my bags and join a traveling commune.

I still have responsibilities, if I like it or not, and I will take care of those as always. I have never backed away from things that have to be sorted. I do not burn bridges and I might rage at the frustration it causes but I handle it. I suppose that childish part of me that rages, is the part we all have and that we all need to acknowledge, that is also the part that cannot be allowed to take over the controls. That is the part that we need to temper as adults. What I am trying is to find the balance between that raging, irresponsible child and the adult that sometimes takes things too seriously.

Maybe it is all down to just being happy in your life. … and who knows, maybe I can tell you one day what I want to be when I’m all grown up. Or maybe I just won’t grow up fully. After all, where is the fun in that?

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Comments
  1. Bob says:

    Being a grown up is highly over rated, I would much rather be 10 again!!

  2. “Grown ups” !! I still remember that phrase I uttered every 5mins during the teenage years. Yet, I think we all can’t loose that childish streak in us. It’s that what keeps us in tow and helps us to deal with the pressures and rages. So in a way, even “cool and happy grown ups'” are in reality big sized kids !!!

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