That thing we do not speak off

Posted: April 3, 2012 in Life, Life changes
Tags: , , ,

You know when you read a book or watch a film and they mention “that thing we do not speak off”? It is a different thing each time; be it an illness, a way of being, a history, a past occurrence etc. There is always something and as you sit there and read or watch the film you might tut to yourself and think it is so silly and say “Tsssss… why don’t they just get it out on the open?!”

Well, yes most times it is silly. At least to you. But for the persons involved it is deadly serious. Most times it is about fear. Fear of what other might think or say. Fear of admitting it is real. Fear of having to deal with it.

The irony of this post, I have such a thing in my life. “The thing we never really speak of or acknowledge” and guess what… I cannot speak of it. At least not yet. Maybe later on. Because this thing… it is slowly unraveling. It has reached a point where it can no longer be ignored and years of forced ignorance are falling away. What is my fear you might wonder? Fear of dealing with it and the heartbreak that inevitable will follow. Though the heartbreak has been there for as long as I remember – ironically enough. Just conveniently stashed away in the back of everyone’s minds, ignored. It always reared its ugly head every once in a while but then it was quickly ignored again.

Life is not black and white. It would in some ways be much easier if it was. This particular matter… it is as grey as they come. I wish it wasn’t. But wishing won’t change a thing.

All I can do for the moment, is to try to find a balance. Between what I can do, whether it is in regards to support or actions, and what I cannot do. Sometimes you cannot do anything to make it better. Sometimes all you can do is accept it.

Maybe someday I can and will tell you about “that thing we do not speak off”. Cos how is it the saying goes… “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself“?

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Comments
  1. Nikki B says:

    Ohhhh man.

    Here is one thing that therapy has taught me over the past year (holy shizballz it’s been a year): Sometimes, it is better not to force things. Sometimes, you’re just not ready.

    But, sometimes? It’s time.

  2. Bob says:

    You know of course that we are all here for you. We love you and support you unconditionally.
    Ivy we believe that you are a wonderful woman if we didn’t we really wouldn’t have stuck around so long.

    You have a core group that really cares how you are and believe in you. Not just your words but your hopes, dreams and wellness.

    Lean on us if you need to. We will be there for you to a person. I can vouch for us all.

    We love you, and we support you.

    Bob

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