Posts Tagged ‘Dan Savage’

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While I was away on my holiday I still tried to be online every once in a while, cos let’s face it… I am way to curious about what is happening everywhere. It was during this time that a blog post from the lovely Nikki B, on monogamy, caught my attention. Read it, share it, discuss…

I shared the post with my sister and others and it seemed everyone had an opinion on this subject. This prompted me to do a post about this, trying to consolidate the points raised.

Traditionally monogamy has long been the “correct” way to live your life – the whole “for ever and ever ’til death do us part”. I look at my parents who have been married for over 50 years – was it meant to be that way?

Going back generations, life was very much different. Life was harder, more physical demanding and taxing healthwise. People created a family and died much earlier than today. The sanctity of marriage and a monogamous family life ensured that the next generation had a stable, safe ground to grow up in. Time to rear children was limited and many did not live many years after this was done. Yes, I am generalizing now but I hope you get my drift.

This idea that we are meant to be with one person our whole life no longer seems viable. Today’s generations are very much different. The health care of today (First World countries) ensures longer lives well past our biological child rearing years. During my discussion the most common opinion I encountered is that we today are a society mainly made up of serial monogamy. (No big surprise there.) That life today has several stages.

Starting out young. Falling in love and promising never-ending love for all time. Maybe in the late teens or early twenties. The following years people change a lot. The influences are too many to count and as individuals all develop and sometimes the person they are with develops in a different direction. The first cracks in the foundation of the relationships appear and for many it is the beginning of the end.

More mature (hopefully) and perhaps looking for someone to start a family with the next stage takes shape. Children are born and raised. Life is all about schools, activities, parenting. Life becomes a project to keep afloat. Then when the children have flown the coop – then what? Can the relationship survive this transition? For some it does and for some… it doesn’t. Once again people have changed and developed.

Entering maturity and with many years still ahead people try to find someone to be with that matches their desires, hopes for the future and love.

These stages are just an example raised. In my opinion these and more stages exist for almost all of us, in infinite variety. With kids or not, with same-sex partners or not. Etc.

Enter the next discussion – would you be in an open relationship? Personally… I am not sure. I have no problem with anyone else wanting to do so but me… I am not sure I’d like to share. Might sound a bit silly but there it is. It is not that I am a jealous person. I have actually never been jealous of any of my previous partners. I believe jealousy rears its ugly head due to insecurities and doubt and I can honestly say I trusted the guys I was with at the time. BUT knowingly sharing my partner with someone else… hmmm it is an interesting concept and I will never say never. Most of the people I spoke to about this were very hesitant to the idea. Not condemning it (which is great) but it was not something they were interesting in trying themselves. Maybe I will delve deeper into this subject in a future post.

The most important thing to remember is that we must keep an open mind. Serial monogamy, one person for life, open relationships or whatever variety is out there is a personal choice. Not everyone wants an open relationship or to be with one person in a committed relationship all their life. We must choose what feels best for ourselves and what makes us happy. At the same time we must understand that others around us might want something different and that it is nothing wrong with that. Being open, understanding and keeping a discussion alive to see the different point of views that are out there. Not too much to ask for really is it?