Posts Tagged ‘Fear’

You know when you read a book or watch a film and they mention “that thing we do not speak off”? It is a different thing each time; be it an illness, a way of being, a history, a past occurrence etc. There is always something and as you sit there and read or watch the film you might tut to yourself and think it is so silly and say “Tsssss… why don’t they just get it out on the open?!”

Well, yes most times it is silly. At least to you. But for the persons involved it is deadly serious. Most times it is about fear. Fear of what other might think or say. Fear of admitting it is real. Fear of having to deal with it.

The irony of this post, I have such a thing in my life. “The thing we never really speak of or acknowledge” and guess what… I cannot speak of it. At least not yet. Maybe later on. Because this thing… it is slowly unraveling. It has reached a point where it can no longer be ignored and years of forced ignorance are falling away. What is my fear you might wonder? Fear of dealing with it and the heartbreak that inevitable will follow. Though the heartbreak has been there for as long as I remember – ironically enough. Just conveniently stashed away in the back of everyone’s minds, ignored. It always reared its ugly head every once in a while but then it was quickly ignored again.

Life is not black and white. It would in some ways be much easier if it was. This particular matter… it is as grey as they come. I wish it wasn’t. But wishing won’t change a thing.

All I can do for the moment, is to try to find a balance. Between what I can do, whether it is in regards to support or actions, and what I cannot do. Sometimes you cannot do anything to make it better. Sometimes all you can do is accept it.

Maybe someday I can and will tell you about “that thing we do not speak off”. Cos how is it the saying goes… “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself“?

Fear is truly a terrible thing. It can rule your life with an iron fist. Tyrants of all kinds have always used fear to get their way. Making you look over your shoulder both physically as well as mentally. Fear will stop you from living freely and it will always be in the back of your mind.

It will however never be as crippling as the fear of fear itself. This fear has no reason, no direction and no named enemy. It is illusive. It will stop you from even looking over your shoulder. It will stop you from living as opposed to just existing and it will rule your mind harder than any tyrant ever could.

The fear of being afraid to find out what others really think of you. The fear of doing something that could potentially scare you. It is the fear of being afraid to fail before you even tried. It is the fear that plays on your every insecurity. Every crippling thought that has ever stopped you. Made your stomach twist with worry without knowing why. Made you cry with despair for no reason.

This is what will stop you from walking before you’ve even taken the first step. Long before you take the plunge.

They say: Those who dare, win.
I say: Start walking and you have already won.