Posts Tagged ‘Happiness’

They fit.

My old, previously button-popping tight, old blue short.

Trust me. I tried them on about 50 times in a week to prove the fact.

So here is is: the way, waaay delayed update on my progress for the “new healthier me”. And there you thought that I had given up, fallen of the health-wagon and stuck my head into the chocolate fountain. (Yes it is still one of the better “The Vicar of Dibley” episodes!).

But no, I have actually continued with the whole “going to the gym all the freaking time” and looking after what I eat.

I feel great! It is going veeery slowly, probably because I am not doing some mad crash diet and am still trying to find the right food combo that I like, enjoy and want to eat frequently.

After 4.5 months I have now dropped one size comfortably, lost 5-6kg and most importantly…. my blood pressure has really improved!! Woohoo!

I have become slightly obsessed with checking progress once a week. A week ago or so I was convinced I put on loads of weight cos I felt like I was the size of Jabba the Hut so there I was trying on those shorts and that shirt 50 times just to convince myself that I really had not put it all on again. Panic over.

You know what though, I am soon getting to that scary moment when I will near the same weight I had over 10 years ago and then I will hopefully go below that. Now that would be something alright!

Think I might try on those blue shorts again….

Oh… this is good though. Enjoy!

 

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Sooo… three weeks down the line with my “new improved me” plan and I feel good. Had a bit of a calorie hick-up yesterday (damn you Banoffie pie!) with sharing a divine dessert with a friend but apart from that I have managed to eat healthily and work out 6 times a week.

I tried on a shirt this morning. A shirt that has been too tight for at least 3 years… and it fit almost perfectly, just a tiny bit tight still. So that made my morning!

At the same time I am under no illusions that most likely the most I have lost at the moment is water and I am also very much aware that I need to have a slow but steady weight loss otherwise this will just not work.

I also checked my blood pressure again. It still is higher than what is good (surprise, surprise no changes after just 3 weeks) but it is at least not sky rocketed like it was at the doctor. I bought a blood pressure machine at the pharmacy so that I can check every once in a while. In regards to the doctor… well I will definitely continue to seeing the one that I actually can talk to. She is supportive of what I try to do and is helping and then we keep an eye on things and see how it progresses.

The other doctor (who unfortunately owns the doctors practice) I have now renamed as “Dr Grim Reaper”. The way that woman delivers news you will start to get the measurements for the coffin ready. I also think she gets commission on how many pills she prescribes. She is also not impressed with any of my plans to lose weight, change my eating habits etc.. oh no, medication is the only way. I mean OK, if my BP would be really really dangerously high then I would understand. If my blood sugar levels would be diabetic then ok fair enough… BUT this is not the case. I am not delusional… if my levels were really bad then I would not try to hide from that fact. My levels are not good and if I do not start to do something about it now then yes, it will become bad. This is something that the other doctor also told me. Hmm I wonder if those two ever talk.

Though I have to say, I am also worried. I worry that I will do all this and lose weight and feel great about it but still not lower my BP. I worry I will continue having high BP and that my blood sugar will go up and that I will have done all this and nothing changed. Yes, I know this is paranoid and yes it has literally only been 3 weeks but still… I do worry about these things.

Ugh!

So today I have jo-joed between: feeling great as the shirt fit again, feeling worried when checking BP and thinking “will it ever change?”, feeling happy about seeing progress in my tracker of what I have done so far, feeling paranoid about everything, feeling annoyed with myself that I worry, feeling great after having spend the afternoon cooking delicious healthy dinners for the week.

Yeah.

Weird day.

I am getting a lot of encouragement from friends and that really helps. I am really happy I started doing this. Now please, please let this work (and again.. YES I know it has only been 3 weeks.) Sigh.

 

You can find happiness in the smallest things.

Image by papadont via Flickr

To belong. Is that not what many of us search for and need? To feel part of something. To be part of that group, that place, that cause. I believe most of us do have a need to belong somewhere. Granted, some need it less and some more.

By belonging we find a certain security. A purpose. A sense of togetherness.

Of course we are capable of being on our own. We can choose to stay apart. As individuals we decide and as individuals we also need to be happy on our own. It is vital that we are. It is important that we achieve happiness with only ourselves as company. Once we have that, then we can choose to be part of something else and give without compromising who we are.

It is so easy to just search for something to be part of – if it be a group, a cause or a partner. It is easy to fool ourselves that that is what will make us happy. That will take away that feeling of being lost and adrift. The question is… does it though? I believe it may numb it. Cover it up. A make-belief. Until that lost feeling resurfaces again and then the next search starts. A never-ending story.

Knowing and accepting oneself is difficult. I know that I sometimes struggle with it and I dare say most do. I also know that if I am happy then finding that sense of belonging is more rewarding. I belong because of who I am, not because I change into someone who I think will fit the bill.

There are days when I feel lost. Days when I feel awkward and think I do not belong. Days when I doubt if people around me really like me for who I am. Those are the days when I let that stupid little insecure voice that resides inside win. Those are the days I have to give myself a good kick. Because really… I know that I have people around me that care and like me, for whom I am. People that I, in turn, care about and like for who they are.

We all try to belong, in one way or the other. Sometimes we just look too hard and do not realize that we already do. Sometimes we need to give ourselves a break and not listen to those little insecure voices that try to mess with our heads – just tell ’em to get lost.

It’s all in your head…

Those of you who read this blog know that I have been single for a while now. Single for the first time in many years. It still is “early days” considering the length of time that I was in a relationship but somehow the counting of weeks, months no longer matters to me.

It is funny how differently people cope and act when they become single. Everyone has a different coping mechanism. For some it triggers a great many changes, for some nothing much seems to change – outwardly anyway.

For me the hardest challenge was just being on my own. Do not get me wrong, I do like alone time. I need and crave it at times – always have. But it is different when you find yourself alone when you come home every day. It takes some getting use to. It threw me a bit for sure. Because even with everyone telling me that I need to appreciate my own company and be happy with myself etc it does not mean that it automatically happens. It is bloody hard work. Harder than I thought it would be.

Instead of cherishing the time I had to myself I felt anxious. I felt lost and lonely. Many times I felt anger. Anger at myself for not coping on, anger that I could not feel content in my own skin and anger at life in general. Patience is not my strong suit.

Friends pointed out the importance of being happy on my own. I discussed it with people around me. I spent hours reading and researching the topic. It was a topic I dwelled on a lot. At some stage I got sick of it.

I decided that I will do whatever I enjoy and just see what happens. I know that I love spending times with friends. Having a laugh. Seeing new places again. Getting re-acquainted with myself. Not fretting so much. Realizing that change does not happen over night. That there will always be good days and bad moments. That life happens no matter what and only I can decide how to react to it. No-one can do that for me. Yes – others can help, inspire, guide and just be there but I alone decide what affects me and in what way.

Today I went for a walk in the local park on my own and suddenly it struck me. I was enjoying myself. I did not feel that I HAD to have someone with me. I would not have minded company, as I do enjoy it, but I was just as happy walking on my own. I felt good. My own company was – IS – perfectly fine.

The journey is ongoing and I am taking it easy. I guess things just fall into place a little at a time. So what is the point I am trying to make with this post? Perhaps by sharing my own personal experience I can let someone else know that it does get easier. When all those people around you say that you need to find comfort and happiness within yourself and you are struggling – give it time and do not worry too much. You will get there, if you give it a chance.

These two furballs are what greet me every morning and every evening. They never fail to make me smile with their antics. I do not care if some think I am a crazy cat lady going on about my cats a bit. I could not see myself living without a pet.

The bedroom is the favorite place, when allowed in.

Yes? What’s up with the interruption?

Under the duvet is the best spot according to Stitch.

Bring it on! Stitch always starts… and always loses…

Stupid leash…die!

This water tap thing is annoying… and wet!

My assistant Cirrus overlooking work.

Stitch… the poser of the house.

Cat prison?

This cat nap business is very important.

My big sun worshiper.

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” – Nobel prize-winning author Anatole France

As most of you know the last couple of months have been pretty up and down for with all that has happened. Such a big change in life is bound to come with a few stumbling blocks and hiccups. However that is not what this post is about. I do not intend to write a long post this evening but I wanted to briefly touch upon on something that has made a huge difference for me… having a laugh.

I spent the evening yesterday in the company of friends and I laughed and laughed until my belly ached. I burst out laughing in the car all the way home thinking of all the crazy stories told that night. Today I spent quite a few moments in work laughing with my colleagues about all kinds of sh*t. It was great.

There have been days when life seemed pretty crap but then a comment from a friend would make me burst out laughing and all the sudden the day seemed much brighter. It can make the most stressful day so much easier. It is amazing the difference it can make. Oh I am sure there are plenty of scientific proof of why this is the case. A good laugh does prolong life… as they say in Sweden. Am sure there is a lot of truth behind that. The important part for me is that I am lucky enough to have great people around me that I can have a laugh together with.

When I can laugh everything is better. With laughter there are no obstacles too big. With laughter we can do anything.