Posts Tagged ‘Life changes’

Waking up to the beating rhythm of a pounding headache, stumbling into the bathroom and staring at myself in the mirror… the shocking whiteness of my roots are flashing back at me in their luminous brightness. I feel every hour of my 37 years.

(Sorry, if you thought that this will be about something profound then I will have to disappoint you. Trust me… in this moment I would not be able to debate anything in a cultural or social context in an intelligent matter.)

Bright white roots reminding me that I am no spring chicken anymore. Combined with a sore stiff shoulder due to a badly executed dive-roll (yes I know, my own fault) and dark heavy bags under my eyes and a lingering migraine … I cannot even blame some mad party from last night.

Alright… que the sad violins…

Lament over.

So now I am sitting here trying to look at this from the other side. Migraine medication kicking in is also helping…

I got my first white hair when I was 20 (damn those genes!). I am however supporting the local economy by spending a substantial amount of money at the hairdresser.

Those same genes have also given me a somewhat “looking a bit younger than I am” ( just not today… though considering the rest of the family I might be somewhat reassured for the future).

The humongous bags under my eyes and headache are more likely from work stress and spending too much time last night playing the Xbox. The work situation is shortly to change for the better and gaming… well it is kinda fun.

My healthier living (… not perfected yet) and work-outs and therefore weight-loss is going OK, albeit very slowly. I do enjoy it and you will find me in the gym first thing tomorrow again. The fact is that I am getting to a point where I am fitter than I have been for many years and I never thought I would say that at 37.

I am also the luckiest person alive because I have some of the most amazing people as friends.

So all in all… life is pretty good.

Now excuse me, I have to book that hairdresser appointment.

 

 

All I had was an all too short break away. How will I manage getting back to my normal mundane world? Back to work, back to that mind droning everyday life? Back to worry about a number, worry if it will be enough. Worrying about if what I do will be good enough in a system that is artificial and that in reality does not say anything about me. A system that only evaluates a small part of who I am and what I can do but a system that tries to fool you into thinking that this is all that matters. That this is all that I should focus on with all that I am.

Really, is the rat race all that we are? Who decided who will get to spin the wheel and who will run the race? Why are we even running and thinking this is why we are here?

Maybe we are all fooled. Fooled into thinking that we chose this. Willingly giving our best for someone else’s gain. For the ones that spin the wheel.

For stepping outside of the race is a scary thing. It is something we are encourage to try as students but not as adults. Because how will we manage our lives, our responsibilities, all these things that we are told are the most important things in our existence? We are indulged when we are young but then gently or not so gently led back into line. Though if we do not step outside the race then how will anything ever change?

All I had was an all too short break away. The questions do not go away and nor should they. If we do not question and re-evaluate then we deserve to stand in that line, waiting for our turn in the wheel.

They fit.

My old, previously button-popping tight, old blue short.

Trust me. I tried them on about 50 times in a week to prove the fact.

So here is is: the way, waaay delayed update on my progress for the “new healthier me”. And there you thought that I had given up, fallen of the health-wagon and stuck my head into the chocolate fountain. (Yes it is still one of the better “The Vicar of Dibley” episodes!).

But no, I have actually continued with the whole “going to the gym all the freaking time” and looking after what I eat.

I feel great! It is going veeery slowly, probably because I am not doing some mad crash diet and am still trying to find the right food combo that I like, enjoy and want to eat frequently.

After 4.5 months I have now dropped one size comfortably, lost 5-6kg and most importantly…. my blood pressure has really improved!! Woohoo!

I have become slightly obsessed with checking progress once a week. A week ago or so I was convinced I put on loads of weight cos I felt like I was the size of Jabba the Hut so there I was trying on those shorts and that shirt 50 times just to convince myself that I really had not put it all on again. Panic over.

You know what though, I am soon getting to that scary moment when I will near the same weight I had over 10 years ago and then I will hopefully go below that. Now that would be something alright!

Think I might try on those blue shorts again….

Oh… this is good though. Enjoy!

 

I hate that feeling when I know that I am doing something right but it still makes me a little uncomfortable on some level. Part of me wishing that I did not know about anything and could just ignore it. I guess the term is being “blissfully ignorant”. And blissfully stupid. Treading outside the usual comfort zone.

It occupies my mind a lot lately. I know there is always the option to just walk away and ignore but I am not that kind of person. Walking away from something, which I know to be a good thing to stand up for, just because it is outside my every day comfort zone… well that would be much worse to live with. I could not face myself in the mirror, knowing I walked away because I was too chicken-shit to rock the boat.

Taking a stand against or for something is not as easy as it sounds it seems. I mean, look around; every day we are encouraged to just go blindly ahead with our ordinary lives, in an ordinary way, not causing any trouble, not upsetting the order of things. – Who decided the order though?

Go to work and invest your life, give 110% in work because that will make you successful and then you will get somewhere. – But go where and how will that fulfil your life? Working until you are burned out and then what? Will any corporation actually give a toss or just as easily replace you?

Watch TV, preferably a mind-numbing TV reality shows where you can say “well at least my life is not that pathetic”. Watch the news, see how others live and how they mess up so that you can feel good about yourself. – But it is becoming more and more clear that even the news these days are angled for some agenda and no longer unbiased.

With our minds numbed from work, exhausting us to earn money for someone else, to one way TV fed information, telling us that you should focus on consumerism and a superfluous living, why should we care about anything else?

To me it seems that independent thought and a willingness to stand up for others is something that is frowned upon today. Don’t rock the boat.

We have become complacent in our lives. Nothing fazes us any more because we will not acknowledge anything that is uncomfortable to know or hear about. If we do not acknowledge it then we do not need to look into it, we do not need to make a stand for or against. We do not need to care. It has become too easy to not care.

All through-out history people fought for freedom, rights and the very lives that we are privileged to live now.

Does that mean that we can just sit back now? That we are done and we can leave others to whatever end?

There will always be evil in the world. There will always be injustice. There will always be a need for someone to say “stop” and help. If that someone is joined by another and then by another then we can all act together and make a better world. It may sound very altruistic but really, if no-one tries then how will anything change for the better?

“The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds.” – Dalai Lama.

But no, it is not easy to rock the boat. On the other hand knowing I can help rock the boat and make a positive difference, however small, also means that turning my back on it would be even worse.

Complacency is the worst evil in this world. Look around you and be that someone who reaches out and says “stop”.

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. “ – Edward E Hale

Sooo… three weeks down the line with my “new improved me” plan and I feel good. Had a bit of a calorie hick-up yesterday (damn you Banoffie pie!) with sharing a divine dessert with a friend but apart from that I have managed to eat healthily and work out 6 times a week.

I tried on a shirt this morning. A shirt that has been too tight for at least 3 years… and it fit almost perfectly, just a tiny bit tight still. So that made my morning!

At the same time I am under no illusions that most likely the most I have lost at the moment is water and I am also very much aware that I need to have a slow but steady weight loss otherwise this will just not work.

I also checked my blood pressure again. It still is higher than what is good (surprise, surprise no changes after just 3 weeks) but it is at least not sky rocketed like it was at the doctor. I bought a blood pressure machine at the pharmacy so that I can check every once in a while. In regards to the doctor… well I will definitely continue to seeing the one that I actually can talk to. She is supportive of what I try to do and is helping and then we keep an eye on things and see how it progresses.

The other doctor (who unfortunately owns the doctors practice) I have now renamed as “Dr Grim Reaper”. The way that woman delivers news you will start to get the measurements for the coffin ready. I also think she gets commission on how many pills she prescribes. She is also not impressed with any of my plans to lose weight, change my eating habits etc.. oh no, medication is the only way. I mean OK, if my BP would be really really dangerously high then I would understand. If my blood sugar levels would be diabetic then ok fair enough… BUT this is not the case. I am not delusional… if my levels were really bad then I would not try to hide from that fact. My levels are not good and if I do not start to do something about it now then yes, it will become bad. This is something that the other doctor also told me. Hmm I wonder if those two ever talk.

Though I have to say, I am also worried. I worry that I will do all this and lose weight and feel great about it but still not lower my BP. I worry I will continue having high BP and that my blood sugar will go up and that I will have done all this and nothing changed. Yes, I know this is paranoid and yes it has literally only been 3 weeks but still… I do worry about these things.

Ugh!

So today I have jo-joed between: feeling great as the shirt fit again, feeling worried when checking BP and thinking “will it ever change?”, feeling happy about seeing progress in my tracker of what I have done so far, feeling paranoid about everything, feeling annoyed with myself that I worry, feeling great after having spend the afternoon cooking delicious healthy dinners for the week.

Yeah.

Weird day.

I am getting a lot of encouragement from friends and that really helps. I am really happy I started doing this. Now please, please let this work (and again.. YES I know it has only been 3 weeks.) Sigh.

 

I am still alive after more than 2 weeks of working out 6 times a week. The work-out has been tiring but going a lot better than I expected.

Hitting the gym before work 3 times a week has opened my eyes to a new fact… I am much more energised and in a better mood than when I do not work out in the morning. I am tired yes, getting up at 6am is really not something I enjoy. I do however feel better. Combined with going to the club twice a week and then throw in a walk on Sundays as well; it is pretty full on. I am tired in the evenings so no party hours for me. Not that it is a big difference from before…

The healthy eating, especially in the evenings, has not been as easy. It has been hard to stay disciplined and not stray into munching on just something when I am bored. The chocolate cravings have been pretty severe as well. I have managed most days in fairness but have had a few weak moments. I am also learning more and more that some things that I thought were ok to eat a lot off are maybe not quite as healthy calorie-wise. I do not try to count calories per se but since I want to lose weight I do need to be aware of it a bit after all.

Went training at the club today again. It is freezing cold here at the moment and I really should have warmed-up better because once again I have managed to pull my neck/shoulder. SIGH. I knew that my neck and shoulder was starting to play up a bit again (the curse of working in front of a laptop all day long) but did I get it sorted before it was too late?? Of course not. Luckily one of the lads at the club took a look at my neck today. Bit of physio, a few acupuncture needles and some cupping later… it is a bit better. Will have a follow-up treatment soon as well so that will hopefully ensure a quicker recovery.

In regards to the cupping, I am now sporting several round shaped marks on my back. I look like I had a battle with a giant octopus! Now that will get a few weird looks in the gym next week. I laughed out loud when I looked in the mirror. It looks insane! This is the first time that I have had this done on me but I have heard about it before and heard that it is very beneficial. http://cuppingtherapy.org/pages/discolorations.htm It does look a bit mental though but then, as long as it does the trick all is good.

So here I am sitting on the sofa now with a warm neck&shoulder pillow, looking out at the falling snow, sporting some fetching marks and feeling pretty positive about this new health regime. Even with a stiff neck.

Now bring on next week.

When the third cold (after 2 colds and the flu) hit me within a period of 2.5 months, I had enough. I dragged my sorry arse to the doctor for a check-up demanding blood tests and a miracle (eh well, I never said I was all that logical…).

Hmmm blood tests booked and the miracle.. well, that will be up to me. The doctor also took my blood pressure and after a month on cold and flu medication and not enough sleep it was no surprise it was pretty darn high. That said… there is was. Even with the contributing factors I still have a blood pressure that is too high for my age. When the doctor started talking about starting to take medication I backpedalled quicker than any politician put on the spot. I left the doctor with a pretty sinking feeling.

Sat at home reading up on the various medications and the potential side-effects and I freaked. Then I came to a conclusion…. this will not go away magically. No matter how much I backpedal. Now the decision is up to me… I can either continue being a lazy bum that occasionally gets going and hits the gym/club and throws in some healthy food semi-regularly and then resign myself to eating chemicals medication OR I can at least try to make a difference and change my lifestyle and by that also my health.

So here I am. I am lucky enough that I have friends that are very good at what they do in their field of work/interest be it holistic Eastern health, physical training or nutrition. I am even luckier that they will help me out with a good plan and support.

This is week one. I have a plan for exercising. A plan for a better eating habits. And before anyone asks, no I will not just be living of salad leafs and carrots all day. I am also a realist and know that sometimes you need to allow yourself something in moderation. The 80/20 rule or 90/10 rule or whatever you want to call it. Luckily I really do like all kinds of food including lots of nice healthy stuff… I have just been too lazy to actually cook and prepare it.

The blood tests are done and once the results are back then the next step is to try to tackle this in a natural way. I spoke to my doctor who is supportive of this and we will keep an eye on my progress.

Let’s face it. I am stubborn. Unless this will miserably fail, I will not start taking any effing meds! IF however with weigh-loss, better habits and better health I still end up having an issue… then OK… then I will face other solutions.

I guess I am writing this post now so that it is out there. So that I cannot try to lie to myself and say I did not commit to do this. I know there will be times when I really do not want to go to the gym, take that walk, go to the club. When I really just want to vegetate on the sofa with too much crap food. The hardest things will be when I am bored. When I am bored, I munch.

So there it is. No more excuses. No more “oh has 2 months already passed since my new-improved-me-scheme without me actually starting it…”.

This will not be easy BUT I am actually feeling really positive about this. Maybe because this is it. I have no more excuses and this will mean that I finally will do what I always wanted to do but just never did. Maybe one of these days what I see in the mirror will actually match the person I see myself as. Then not having to take the medication will just be a side-effect to being healthy and feeling great.

On that note. I’m off to the club.