Posts Tagged ‘Sleep’

a detail of a page from William Morgan's 1588 ...

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I see myself as a pretty well-educated woman. I went to a good secondary school and after that continued to university and have two degrees to show for it. Was I a top of the class student? No. I am no genius nor am I intellectually challenged. I enjoyed learning and it did come to me pretty easily. When I left school I could have a conversation in 5 different languages, translate texts from Latin, have discussions about philosophy, history and in-depth sociological analysis etc. I devoured scientific magazines and was pretty aware of the state of the world in general.

All good yes..? So what has happened? Today I have lost the ability to communicate in 2 of the 5 languages I once knew. Forget Latin. I stumble when I try to remember what I once learned. It actually feels like I have become dumber. The only focus is to learn new things that are work related and even there I sometimes struggle. It is like my brain has developed a teflon shield that makes all new knowledge slide off into oblivion.

It is easy to say “oh just start reading up on everything again and it will come to you in no time”… well that is part of the problem I guess. I have no time to do so or I am so tired that I just cannot focus after work. I really admire anyone who studies in addition to holding down a full-time job.

So at one stage I developed this theory that working actually makes people dumber. In school you are constantly challenged in  many different subjects. There is always something new and wonderful. You discuss, analyze and apply what you learn. There is a never-ending stream of knowledge. In work-life… you focus on your work and the skills needed there. That is all you focus on. It becomes one-sided. Unless you can find a way to continue to grow your knowledge in other subjects and exercise your brain – the ability to learn and adapt is diminished.

I feel I have definitely fallen into this stage for a long time now. It has gotten to a point where I feel embarrassed. Feeling stupid is not something I do well. The worst thing is when a discussion is started and when I KNOW that this is something I used to know a lot about but the words fail me or the details do not appear. Ugh… hate that!

I think I will have to dust of those old books from university and actually make myself reconnect my brain cells again. Because moaning about it is not going to help really is it now…

Now why did I not stay in uni and do a PhD instead…?

It is Saturday evening and I am sitting at home with my two cats. Aren’t I having an exciting life….? Ah well, to be honest I do not mind. I am really tired now and have been busy. Last night I went out to meet up with two friends, one of them I haven’t seen in many months as she was away traveling and it was great catching up again. A few pints later and it was time to head home again.

Up early-isch this morning to go training… took a while to wake up. It felt good moving around and it really is a great way to feel connected to the world around you. I truly wish I was a morning person. It would make my life quite a bit easier at times. As I also seem to be tired in the evening often I have come to the conclusion that I am a “middle-of-the-day” person. That is when I get most done. When any type of exercise is most appealing and when I actually feel somewhat normal. This is the time of day when I most productive, both in work and at home.

I wonder if “middle-of-the-day” person is a known concept… or if it is just me? Well either way… it fits me pretty perfectly. How to use flexible hours around that concept though is a bit of a mystery. I can multi-task but juggling work, training, creativity and social life around those few hours is near… nay, it is impossible. Oh the fun I could have with a time machine.

Well, it is now evening time. Even my cats have decided it is nap time (they do this VERY often…). Think I will follow suit soon. It looks very tempting.

New Gold Dream...

Image by law_keven via Flickr

Do you ever have that surreal feeling when you wake up and you remember what you dreamed about? When the dream causes a whole bunch of questions starting with how, why and now what? It makes you think and ponder on how the subconscious really works and what made your brain filter in those specific things.

I like to dream. I have almost always remembered most of my dreams, as wacko as they are. It used to be a game in our house where my mum and sister and myself told each other of all the weird stuff we dreamed about, within limits of course…

Dreams to me have always been like adventures where all is possible and it used to annoy the hell out of me if I woke up before my dream concluded. Well, it still does. Of course I occasionally have dreams that are not very pleasant but that is the beauty about dreams… once you wake up, that is that.

The one time dreams stay with me is when they make me feel intensely about things that I am not sure about how I feel about when I am awake or when it is about scenarios that really touch me in a way that it starts me thinking about how this could be part of my subconscious and why just these particular thoughts jumped up in my dream.

Sometimes it is easy to pick out the details in a dream and map them to things you have seen, read or experienced in a day but there are times when it is combined in a way that almost seems impossible to figure out. Yes, I have read all about dream interpretations and a lot makes sense but there are times when I think that our subconscious is a much more interesting place than we can fathom. It has always fascinated me. Maybe I should start reading up on it more again.

As you have gathered I had one of those dreams last night and it has stayed with me all day. It has made me think about what it could mean or not mean at all the entire day. It both makes me feel good and a bit scared. Weird stuff. And no, I will not describe it here. I am not looking for any interpretations. Just wanted to share… something… I guess.

Mmmmm I definitely think too much when I am home and on my own too long.

Men in white coats…

Posted: November 30, 2010 in Rant, Work
Tags: , , , ,

Right people…I am losing the plot! Focusing abilities are out of the window. I am supposed to sit and work very hard in front of my work laptop right this minute… instead I am writing this. My excuse is that as I believe that I am losing the plot I might just as well document this before the men in white coats take me away.

I have spent the morning literally staring blankly at my screen while the minutes, nay make that hours, tick by. I receive an email with an important query and I cannot scramble enough brain power together to actually figure out what I need to do. Arrgghh! Is this lack of caffeine (still no espresso in the house), lack of sleep (should really hibernate as it is a bloody blizzard outside) or is it time to check into the nearest “health farm”? (Please note I said health farm and not loony bin).

OK, will try to harness enough mental capabilities (no smart remarks now please…) in order to at least not totally eff up my work. Thank god my manager doesn’t read this blog…oh…and if she does…I am working very focused and this was all just a rambling joke written during my short lunch break…


Posted: November 9, 2010 in Life, Martial arts, Reflections, Thoughts
Tags: , , , , ,

It is getting quite late this evening. I have just got home from a training session at the club and am feeling pretty tired. It was a good evening. I am longing to crawl in under my duvet now. I am shivering from being tired and from the cold outside. My bed is nice and warm and that is where I am heading.

Mellow music is playing quietly in the background and my brain is entering shut down mode. It is almost like when you linger between wakefulness and sleep. Just before you enter the dream world. Thoughts enter and escape unbidden and the world seems to slow down. All you can hear is the wind outside and after a while even that is barely noticeable.

It is time to go to bed. To re-charge. To dream. To sleep.

Mount Zen II

Image by adesigna via Flickr

Another long day getting towards its end. It is almost 21.00 again. I can’t believe how fast the days are going at the moment. I do not seem to have time to think half the time…ehh well, not completely true as I am blogging ..but you know what I mean.

Work is taking up a very large chunk of my time these days and those who know me also know that this is not something that I am known for. I am no workaholic, never have been. I have never had a need to prove something by putting down a ridiculous amount of hours in the office. However at the moment the work load is a bit off the charts. There is a never-ending steam of emails, IM’s and requests. I spend a lot of time in front of my PC cursing and giving out to people who have just emailed me..especially when it entails really stupid questions. Don’t get me wrong…I am very good at asking stupid questions, which my dear and extremely helpful colleagues, probably hate with a passion but they are all too nice to say so to me. I am however not as nice…at least not in front of my screen. I am also extremely glad we do not have a swear box in the office as I would be very poor indeed. The best discovery so far…the “Do not disturb” setting on our IM. Ahhh bliss!

Either way, being very busy in work means longer hours spent in the office and less time at home. This means less time talking to friends or even just spending it watching a film together with my partner. All the sudden it is really late and I just have to go to bed, cos trust me… I need my sleep. I am the most cranky person ever with too little sleep. It’s things like that and all those other small acts like meeting up with people, sorting out all those small but fun to do whatnot’s at home, playing a silly Xbox game or browsing the internet for a nice holiday… those are the things I have very little time to do at the moment. I need more hours in the day or at least find a way to better balance my work load I think. Never really had this problem before as I am pretty organized so it does bug me. Any tips out there?

I feel shattered… just have some minuscule energy left today…just enough to moan a bit in the blog and then drag myself to bed. This has been an extremely busy week in work, 11 hour days… which I normally can deal with but not this week. Didn’t realize having a chest infection would take that much out of me. Que….pouting “feeling sorry for myself” look.

Of course I haven’t been to the doctor…not me… only go when I am dying or in need of a doctor’s note. Stubborn..yes, that’s me. Found some antibiotics in the medicine cupboard, hmmm… believe I got them about a year and a half ago when I had the flu… but alas, they are out of date..took one anyway… not such a great decision. Ended up having stomach pains. Effing eejiit sounds like a good way to describe what I told myself. The pharmacist basically confirmed that could happen. Sigh.

One more day to go and then it is the weekend. Thank heaven for that. I intend to sleep and then sleep some more and then maybe buy some nice food and have a really nice meal. Am sick of quick sandwiches or salads in front of PC in work. Next week should be much better.

Oh god…definitely time to go to bed…they are actually playing a Xmas song on the radio right now…if that doesn’t get you to run for cover then I do not know what. Need to stop moaning now. Happy upcoming weekend thoughts!