Posts Tagged ‘Thought’

One of the best advice I ever got was to write down my thoughts when things felt overwhelming. Initially I could not see the benefit of this. Why would I do this? How could it help me? How would that give me any answers? These were questions I asked myself.

At the time I knew I could no longer express how I felt to others. Not because others did not care but I started to feel like I was a burden. How many times could I repeat the same lament? How many times could people bear to listen?

It is strange when all you want is to feel happy but you just don’t. When you know you need to “snap out of it” but you can’t. I knew I was stuck and I felt like a broken record stuck on repeat. So I stopped saying how I felt. I stopped trying to talk about it. I could not pretend to say things were OK because I just did not have the energy to even do that. I stopped.

With no answers I started to write. Longer pieces, shorter pieces, letters addressed to no-one. Sometimes I pretended I was talking to a friend. Sometimes I just wrote down a mass of words jumbled together. I did not receive any answers but somehow it lessened the tightness in my chest. Piece by piece what I wrote down lighted the burden. Maybe it was because I could be brutally honest. Not having to take into consideration how others might feel. Not having to think about not wanting to worry anyone. I just wrote.

How I felt then and how I feel today is vastly different. Today I look at life and smile. I have a curious positive outlook forward. There will always be down days of course but in general I feel pretty damn good.

I am not trying to say that writing down how I felt back then made me all happy now. There are so many things that made that happening but I am not writing about those changes today. What I am trying to say is that writing down my inner most feelings and thoughts when I was at my lowest helped me getting through it.

Recently, for the first time in a long time, I actually dared to look at those entries that I wrote back then. It was both a scary and emotional experience. I had forgotten how low I felt. I am glad that I once again can put them back in the box. Not forgotten but eased out of mind with a few lessons learned.

Sometimes a simple advice can make all the difference. An advice I will be eternally grateful for.


c. 50

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I have thought on and off about what to blog about and how to find inspiration on what to write.  There are many days when I can’t come up with anything to write about and I just end up staring at my screen (this is a tendency that can cross-over to my work laptop at times as well… hrrmmmm…) or I just look at the notebook in front of me – yes, I am still old-fashioned enough to use pen and paper.

So instead of coming up with an awesome and a potentially Pulitzer winning post <insert raised eyebrows to emphasize sarcasm> I decided to try to write about finding inspiration.

It is harder to find at times that I thought was possible. Especially considering all the wacko thoughts and internal conversation that I have in my head constantly. One would think that I’d never run out of blog topics. I also have the most bizarre and vivid dreams all the time but I decided that I will not plague people with those potential stories. Don’t want to scare all away… not yet anyway.

So what can I do to find inspiration, to wake up that illusive muse – who only works overtime in the most inappropriate situations? Well… music seems to work most times. A lot depends on the type of music I am listening to in a given moment though – aggressive music can result in angry rants, too many love songs result in mushy posts (have to work on those I think) and so forth. Sometimes I realize that I already have a topic in my head – most often it is something that has been mulling around in my unconscious mind. I love it when inspiration strikes that way. The tricky bit is getting it out and on the screen.

Another weird thing is that at times I write being in a certain state of mind and if I read the post again in a different mood then the entire message can be interpreted differently. It is amazing how the mood of the reader can change an interpretation of a text. But I digress… finding inspiration, coaxing out topics, waking the muse – whatever term you choose – is not easy.

Music helps but can be quite inconsistent. Having a few drinks (a classic) doesn’t work for me – unless I am in the pub, alcohol will make me sleepy and then it is just adios and good night muse. Reading a good book can give loads of ideas but then I run the risk of dabbling with other people’s creations and that is a no-no. Maybe I should pay more attention when out and about which would be good if I’d remember to bring a notebook – damn, I knew I had to get a bigger handbag!

Right, so I back where I started. Any tips and ideas on how to find inspirations would be much appreciated. Until then I will just have to update my play-lists, get a new handbag and cajole my muse out of hiding with some chocolate or something. 🙂