Moving through layers

I finally made it down to the club this evening for a training session. It felt really good. As always, when I have been to the club, I am glad I went. I went there feeling determined and up for whatever would be there. I enjoyed every minute and the two hours flew by.

When I was driving home I noticed something – every time after a training session a different emotion will accompany me home.

 

Sometimes I leave feeling like I could take on the world. Nothing can faze or rattle me.

Sometimes I leave with a big smile and sing along happily to every tune on the radio.

Sometimes I leave feeling determined, with clear steps outlined in my mind, ready to conquer any obstacle.

Sometimes I leave feeling frustrated and try to run through why I didn’t get a technique or flow.

Sometimes I leave feeling thoughtful, thinking through an idea or a concept. Mulling it over, maybe creating a blog post in my mind.

Sometimes I leave feeling calm and centered. At peace.

Today I left feeling vulnerable. Not sad or upset, just a little closer to being emotional but without knowing why. Maybe I am more tired than I realized and the training took away the last layers for the day.

 

We all have layers. Some thicker than others. Peeling them back is never easy. Maybe this is one of the things this art can teach me; if I peel away the layers and look… what is there is me without all those barriers, if only for a moment.

Seeing that -  I can take on the world, I smile, I can be determined, I work through frustration, I mull things over, I can be at peace, I can feel vulnerable…

Sometimes moving through layers can make things look much simpler. Sometimes all it takes is being there.

 

Balm for my soul

Walking for hours (not quite knowing where the path would lead) in fabulous surroundings, taking a few pictures, soaking up the fresh air and the sun… it does not get much better for the soul than that. This weekend gone by was like balm for my soul.

Last week a very good friend and I decided to go away for the weekend. We decided to go to the northwest of Ireland, to an area called County Donegal – specifically to a lovely place called Killybegs.

It was a fantastic weekend. I could most likely write for hours but instead I will share with you some highlights and most importantly some pictures of this beautiful place.

• The best little hotel in town Tara Hotel, highly recommended! Try to get a room with the view of the harbor – so you can see the fishing boats go out at night and come back early morning.
• The seafood chowder… ohh soo good!
• Sheep… lots of sheep…
• Stillness – only disturbed by those cheeky seagulls.
• A perfectly calm sea (just a few ripples caused by a few hungry seals).
• Sea mist that slowly lifted, sunshine and hardly a breeze.
• Absolutely beautiful views.

 

The harbor in Killybegs:

The beauty about being here off-season is that we hardly saw any other walkers/hikers around. Just a few locals and plenty of sheep (one was even leading us for quite some time)

The nearby Slieve League Cliffs are a must visit and absolutely stunning. The sea mist came and went but never fully lifted in the sunshine.

So 407.3 miles by car, several hours by foot and two fantastic days – makes one great weekend. The only bad thing was that it ended too quick. So for the next trip away it will have to be a two nights stay. Can’t wait!

 

 

 

 

Scatterbrain

It feels weird. For the first time in ages my work week has not been full on busy. I have actually had time to feel…

wait for it…

… a bit BORED!

Wow. As in really?

Today I actually caught myself procrastinating – well mainly because I have this one thing I need to get done that is immensely tedious and now that I actually have the time… So before I actually made myself start this tedious task,  I cleaned my desk, organized the drawers, had numerous important “meetings” with colleagues over coffee (hey, social/professional networking IS important you know!) and gone through old behavioral/social/personality tests that I have taken throughout the last 2 years in work ( I just LOVE those!!). I have a thing for those tests.

So yeah, have been a bit of a scatterbrain today. But hey, it is not like I normally have time for it so I actually did cherish it.

Just one day left of the work week and then it is weekend. I am tremendously looking forward to relaxing this weekend. Am going away to the northwest of Ireland with a friend. Looking forward to just being outside in rugged and beautiful scenery. Hoping to be able to take some pictures as well as getting some decent walks in … so please, please dear weather-gods, do not make it rain buckets! I don’t think I have looked forward to a weekend away this much in ages. Yes it will most likely be freezing (it is February after all) but I really do not care.

Am hoping that I will have a few more moment over in the future so that I can post here a bit more often. In the mean time, please feel free to drop into Living 3703 as a new picture is posted there by Christy and myself every day this month!

Internal battle

I was perfectly fine this morning. Then one little thing in work was delayed (which let’s face it, really was not a big deal) and it felt like a nuclear explosion went off in my head. I wanted to rant and rage about it and just about caught myself and then I could hear my inner voice going “uh-oh!” …

Do you ever get that feeling when you mentally have to check yourself – as in rein yourself in? When your mind and your emotions are playing havoc? When you feel like you are having an internal battle between cool reason and utter insane instability?

Well, if you are a woman who suffers from PMS then you probably know what I am talking about.

Ugh, so yeah… today has been pretty awful. I kept reminding myself that this is just one of those days and I constantly had to make sure I did not actually act the way my at the moment overhyped and slightly off-balance mind reacted. Thank god I do not get like this every month.

Trying to explain it to someone who does not suffer from PMS (or a guy) is actually quite hard. It really is a constant internal struggle. Imagine all your worst characteristics and throw in some of the bad ones you (hopefully) discarded after your teenage years – take all of them and mush them together and then imagine these trying to literally take over and just act out.  Then to add to the misery – imagine that these emotions constantly swap places so that you do not know if you will be weepy, in a fury, paranoid or depressed from one minute to the next. Obviously all of this is happening inside of you and you still have to act like a normal human being, go to work, have a normal conversation with your colleagues and not alienate all your friends.

Came across these. Maybe that is the way forward. Sounds better anyway…

• Weepy = emotional
• Angry = determined
• Paranoid = sensitive
• Tactless  = refreshingly honest
• Depressed = introspective

Am now at home, glad to be on my own. Pizza has been devoured. An early night wrapped up in my bed with a book will also help. And chocolate… lots of chocolate….

 

Blog update!

For the month of February, Christy and myself, will run a photo challenge at our joint blog Living 3703.

The first post describing this in more detail can be found here! Feel free to drop in. We will post a picture each every day…. not sure if we are slightly insane or not…

Random talk

Working from home. Still in my PJ’s. Having a break from the usual rut and trying to post something but so far I have discarded 3 posts of utter crap! Ugh…

I end up writing a few sentences… I read it back and I cringe. It sounds contrived and really, really lame. I am trying to find a balance and to write something substantial but somehow it is not working out. This is giving me a headache.

One minute I want to write about how absolutely messed up my head feels. The next minute I want to write about how trust and respect is earned and oh so easily lost and seldom regained. Then I just want to rant. Or I just want to close my eyes and listen to music and shut the world out. I have reached a place where I do not even want to explain anymore. I fix. I sort, I do. Always something. I am sick of it. Bone tired. Does it even matter?

Still… I continue. I get up and get on with things. There are people around me that inspire and give support and that I trust and respect…. does that not make me rich really?  It cannot be bought, it cannot be forced – but when you have it and can share it… it is invaluable and I count myself truly lucky. 

… and on that note, I will close this short random talk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7B9PrfNkAM

What can I say…

Sitting here with a pounding headache. Too many hours in work. Lack of sleep, too many thoughts going through my mind. A mess. Can’t even tell you why. This has felt like the longest week ever.

It is stormy outside – matches my mood. A sunny day would have felt totally wrong. So instead I will just sit down for a bit now. Trying to gather my thoughts. Maybe I will try to relax a little – looking at a snoozing cat makes it hard to not relax.

Found this today. Yeah… what can I say:

A bit surreal?

As I was walking to my car this evening, after a training session down at the club, I noticed how quiet it was. It is cold and misty outside tonight and with the moon shining through the fog it is almost a bit surreal. Nice though. I really wish I had a camera good enough to capture the night sky.

I am glad that I went training tonight. My day today felt a bit “ugh” all day, for one or the other reason and I was really seriously contemplating staying at home and just crawl under my duvet. Just having an early night. Instead I made myself go training and it has really made a difference. I am still tired and now also a bit sore but I feel much calmer. It is hard to describe as I was not agitated before but I guess I was restless somehow and now… I feel fine. Maybe this is just due to the lack of oxygen from the chokes we practiced or maybe I banged my head during a throw. You never know.

Sometimes the training really clears my head and things just seem easier or more attainable. Sometimes it enables me to put aside thoughts that threatens to overtake and blow things out of proportions. Then sometimes it is just nice to do something totally different from my daily work.

Yes, there are times when I cannot seem to focus. When the simplest movement goes wrong. When I feel like I am losing the plot (ehhh OK, yes that happens outside of training as well at times…shhhhh!). As it is condensed down to a martial art it is easy to overlook that many of the aspects in training can be found parallel in life. Sometimes it flows well and other times it is a pain, both figuratively and literally! It is a realization that sneaks up on you. The first time I heard someone mentioning it I secretly scoffed a bit at the idea. Now however I can tentatively see how each training session affects me differently and how the lessons learned there can be applied in my daily life. I know this is not a very good explanation but I am still mulling this over so you just have to bear with me a while longer.

In either case, it is time for bed and as it is Friday the 13th tomorrow… let’s hope for a good day eh?

Is it January already?

Time seems to have flowed past at speed the last few weeks. All the sudden it is mid-January already and no blog post has been written. Ouch! Not sure how that happened.

I spend Christmas with one of my best friends together with her boyfriend, who also happens to be a good friend of mine, and their two adorable boys. Two boys, who at the tender age of 4 and 7, were extremely excited about Santa coming. Their faces when we called NORAD’s Santa Tracker was priceless.

So Christmas was full of early mornings and lots of toys but it was also relaxing and with more food than it is humanly possible to eat. One thing to keep in mind: when putting a bottle of Bailey’s in the freezer… yes, the cream stays frozen but not the pure alcohol… it does give quite a kick!

Oh and this sweet shop is just fabulous. They have all kinds of chocolates, hard-boiled sweets, fudge, toffee, liquorice and so on. It feels like you are stepping back in time when you enter.

As usual the long weekend ended way too fast and it was time to go home once again. Back to a really busy week in work, which ended with a pretty chilled out New Years Eve. I really enjoyed spending it with a very good friend, just eating cheese and crackers and drinking some wine. I guess in a way I “should” feel a bit freaked out that I rather stayed in (like my parents) than went out into town (getting pissed in a crowded pub) but to be honest it was great just chilling. Hmmmm…. not sure what that says about me.

Well, I made up for it a bit the weekend just gone by. My sister and her partner came over for a weekend visit. It was great!! There was lots of fish & chips, Guinness (OK, not much for me as I still am not too keen on the black stuff), pubs and lots and lots of laughs.

My sister and I, in stitches as always.

Proper fry up’s (sausages, bacon, scrambled eggs and toast) in the mornings kept us going. We ended up in a variety of places. All from the traditional Irish pub with a traditional Irish music session to the heavy metal rock bar in town. It was brilliant fun and over way too fast.

So now I am sitting here, trying to survive the rest of the month. The January blues and all that. As most others I am properly skint and like many I am looking over my budget and mulling over various health ideas. Oh the joy…

But at the same time, it is a new year and new opportunities looming around every corner. I do not really do the whole new years resolution thing but I do try to keep some ideas in mind. I will make this year mine. Not decided how yet but if the world will end in 2012 (like some seem to believe) then I want go out with a bang and a smile on my face.

Or in the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt: “Life is what you make it. Always has been, always will be.”

Oh 2011, where to start…

When I sat down last year to write the 2010-gone-by post it was about having started to blog, got a tattoo, laser eye surgery, Christmas parties and driving too fast.

This time… where to start. This has been a year of so many changes. Of heart-break. Of self-discovery. Of meeting amazing people who I will forever be grateful for. It has been an emotional roller-coaster.

As most of you know, this was the year that heralded the end of a 11 year-long relationship for me. I will not dwell on it in this post. It has been chewed through enough. I could spend the entire post on just going over how this year has been pretty tough. But you know what… it has been what it has been and I want to remember the things that made me smile, made me laugh and made me feel good.

I have an apartment that I love. A place that always makes me feel at ease (even with window vents from hell…). It is light, airy, has a south-facing balcony that is just fab. It is a place that went from feeling like a temporary hotel room, a refuge to become the place where I can relax and recharge. My home.

I share this apartment with my two furballs. They bring laughter, cuddles and joy together with unconditional love on a daily basis.

There is much more I could list here. However, the best thing this year has been my friends. From the ones that I have known for years, the ones I have met online through blogging and the new great friends that I have met. These are the people who have made me laugh, smile and feel happy throughout everything this year. And that is what I will keep with me from 2011.

So bring on 2012. It will be a great one!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!