Random ramblings

I sit here trying to come up with something half-decent to say or at least something good to start with and I realised that this post will be one of those where I really do not have a clue what I will write about. So I will just write about whatever happens to fall onto the page and take it from there.

It has been hard to find inspiration lately which I am sure you have noticed. My muse has had enough of me coming home late after work. Too late for her to dredge up any great ideas because frankly I have been too tired to listen. She went on strike which caused a whole lot of issues. You should see my FB updates and my work emails have been lacking creativity. I’m telling you… a muse on strike is nothing to be trifled with.

I am hoping that she will come out of her sulk soon so that we can go back to business as usual. The winter is approaching fast and even though I know that work will be ramping up even more (yay…) it is also that time of the year when it gets chilly and cosy with lots of lights in the dark and a warm atmosphere. Perfect for sipping some wine while blogging away (or maybe just some tea, for those more coherent posts…).

This week will be busy with meeting friends for dinner, hopefully getting some Bujinkan practice in, watching Ane Brun in concert and then getting organized for a business trip to Oslo next week. I’m looking forward to go to Oslo (note to self, stock up on some fabulous Norwegian chocolate) and will try to get some time over to wander around the town and take some pictures.

This whole day light saving business has made me feel jet-lagged which is ridiculous as it is just one hour… but I constantly feel that it is much later than it really is. For some reason I think it is Thursday today… without my calendar in work I would be in serious trouble (well, without the reminders sounding in my calendar I would have missed all my meetings so far…). Maybe I should start wearing a watch again.

Come to think of that, I do believe it is time for me to grab that flannel pajamas and go to bed. Yes I wear a pajamas in winter (how “enticing…”) and so would you if your bedroom was as freezing as mine. I REALLY need to get the radiators bled as it is getting below zero outside. Either way, hope you all are having a good day, evening, night wherever you are at the moment. Good night, sweet dreams, don’t let the bed bugs bite.

 

A muse MIA…

A muse has gone and gotten herself missing in action… namely my muse. She has a tendency to do this. She is an illusive being. One minute ideas are coming forth with the speed of light and the next she off on an extended holiday.

Here I am sitting in desperate need of some inspiration and nothing, nada, nichts is coming forth. I have started writing countless posts and they end up as really bad drafts – deleted drafts at that. I could blame work that drains me of any intelligent thought or I could blame the lack of sun in this rainy country… all very valid excuses. However… blaming the muse will at least give me a reason to post something that does not just contain me complaining about the weather or moaning about my job. Let’s face it – I live in Ireland so the weather is shite most times of the year and my job does have its mad busy periods and that will not change anytime soon.

See my muse she is a bossy but scatty-brained one. Not stupid…. no, I would never dare to accuse her of that but focus is not her best characteristic. When she is all there then there is no stopping of ideas. This is mainly accompanied with ink-stains, pieces of paper everywhere and lots of coffee, tea, caffeine IV (OK, maybe not that). Every so often she decides a break is needed and just takes off. Somehow it feels like the breaks are more frequent than the actual work but hey… what can you do.

Being a muse means she has no boundaries or limitations so god knows what she is up to. Boozing most likely in some exotic place surrounded by party-goers. Next time I must make sure I tag along.

Let’s hope she returns soon so I can actually write a post with something half-way intelligent instead of this total nonsense. Inspiring ideas will gladly be received…

 

Still blogging a year later…

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I sit here looking at my draft posts – post filled with pain, with longing, with sadness, with love, with thoughts immensely private. Pieces of writing that I’ll never publish. Some are old, some are new. I read them and I’m rocked back. They scare me with their intensity. Where did they come from?

I started writing this blog a little over a year ago now. The whole blogging… oh whom am I kidding… the whole writing thing made me VERY nervous. I’ve never felt that I’m a good writer. God knows my essays in school sucked! So writing in such a public fashion was very daunting. It has been an interesting journey.

With no formal writing experience and with no idea on what to actually write, I just started to write. For better or worse. There has been plenty of times when I cringed over what I wrote. Other times I have not been able to stop writing. Then there has been times when the dry-spells have been very real and no matter what I tried, nothing would come forth.

Looking back, there are some posts that I find horrid and then some that I am proud off. Then there are those pieces… This whole blogging business seems to have awoken something in me that I never knew existed. Strings of words that speak of my innermost feelings. Feelings that I cannot vocalize but that only come out in writing. Maybe one day I will be brave enough to post them.

I just write whatever pops up in my head. I do edit some but mainly, what I write is what I think about in that moment.  Which explains the amount of depressing posts about my messy life lately. Sorry about that… bear with me, I promise I will get back to somewhat funny or thought-worthy posts again as soon as I can.

I am still amazed that people read my shit AND that some even like it enough to continue reading or even comment on it. I have met some amazing people via this blog in the last year and THAT is almost the best thing about it. My life would be a poorer life without you.

So here’s to another year of writing (and feverent praying that my muse will stop watching soppy movies and actually come up with some good ideas to dazzle us all with…).

Most of all, here’s to all of you who read my thoughts. Thank you.

An A-Z meme about… oh me.

The sun is shining outside and I have tried to combine a very busy work week with some rays on the balcony. Running a bit low on blog ideas… so I shamelessly stole this meme idea from Jules (creator and author of the fabulous meangirlgarage blog) who in turn knicked the idea from others. Ah the wonders of the Internet and information “sharing”.

So here it is:

A. Age: 35. Was going to write “mid-thirties” but that somehow sounded older…

B. Bed size: Big enough for me… a bit too small for any extracurricular activities… in other words: it could be bigger.

C. Chore you dislike: Uh… ironing. Do it once every six months tops.

D. Dogs: Love them as well as cats. Prefer big dogs… small yapping ones get on my nerves.

E. Essential start to your day: Feed howling starving “have not been fed for at least a week” – cats. Check email, check blog. Run to car.

F. Favorite color: Blue. Red. Black. Ehm… most colours. It changes a lot.

G. Gold or silver: Definitely silver. All things silvery.

H. Height: 5’6 or 168cm.

I. Instruments you play(ED): None.

J. Job title: “No idea who else will do it so it ends up in our group” Op.Specialist.

K. Kids: None. Unless you count my two cats – who most definitely are my babies.

L. Live: Wherever my home is.

M. Mom’s name: “Mamma”

N. Nicknames: Nush and a few more. Am sure there are a few I do not want to know about as well.

O. Overnight hospital stays: None (touch wood).

P. Pet peeves: Ignorant people. Slow drivers in the middle or fast lane…

Q. Quote from a movie: “Never say never to me”– Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café.

R. Righty or Lefty: Righty

S. Siblings: One older sister, one older brother.

T. Time you wake up: Weekdays: at around 7 – 7.30am with help from persistent alarm clock. Weekends:  Around 7am for no goddamn reason…

U. Underwear: Whatever I get hold of in drawer while still half asleep.

V. Vegetables you don’t like: Like all vegetables.

W. What makes you run late: Snoozing. Getting stuck in front of laptop.

X. X-rays you’ve had: None. Unless you want to count dental ones.

Y. Yummy food you make: Venison roast. Grilled chicken. Cheese and crackers…?

Z. Zoo Animal Favorites: All the big cats and elephants. Though I think zoo’s are depressing.

Whimsical mood

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You know that feeling when you are in work but the last thing on your mind is actually work? When everything but work is more interesting. This is not the same as when work feels like a pain in the neck but more of a barely noticed side-task.

That is me today. Must be the leftover residue from the boozing session my muse had last night. I just feel like talking nonsense all day and not really bothering much about anything. My colleagues already think I am off my rocker as it is ( that weird Swedish girl who never shuts up talking, is bruised all the time, with no business fashion sense at all and who swears loudly at her screen…). Haha aah well, what can I say…. that’s me. So instead I decided to write a post (while in work..tut tut).

Ahem… not sure what to write about though. Wouldn’t mind sitting in a nice café now with some friends, drinking copious amounts of lattes and musing about this and that lightheartedly. I could spend hours doing that right now.

I am also pretty sleepy today as I just could not get to sleep last night. I blame the muse as she was hiccupping and wanting to have profound discussions about post topics after the pub crawl. It is very hard to sleep and debate post topics at the same time. Once I got involved in the subject, the muse abruptly fell asleep snoring loudly… at this stage I was wide awake and with no ground breaking post to present to you guys at all. Bloody useless muse! *

Hmmm manager walked pass…. maybe I should stop talking nonsense and ACTUALLY do some work this afternoon. Hope you guys have a good morning/day/afternoon/evening in whatever timezone you are at the moment.

* Muse is not really a real person (don’t tell her though) – thought I’d tell you, you know… just in case. Haven’t quite lost the plot… yet.

Hysteria

How to survive this Monday…

Blasting this at full volume. Only way to drone out office noise and to focus. What would I do without music…

Do we “get” anyone, really?

In work at some stage today the subject of teenage angst and being a teenager came up. We talked about how most of us would not want to go back to when we were around 15. All the insecurities, trying to find our place in the world, wanting to be unique but at the same so desperate to fit in. Fretting about if so and so likes us, wanting to be part of the right gang or full of disdain for the others not part of “our” group.

The drama. The commotion. The hormones. The emotional roller coasters. Feeling misunderstood. The black&white aspects of our young lives.

So what has changed?

We might have gained some more confidence. Gone through serious relationships. Experienced the ups and downs of everyday life. Gained a better understanding of where we are in life. Realized life floats more in a gray-scale than in black&white.

Yet.

Are we not still searching? Trying to be part of something meaningful? Fitting in with people we like and respect? Being understood?

Do you feel that people “get” you?

It struck me when I was driving home that I often feel that people do not “get” me at all. I do not mean that they do not understand my weird sense of humor or that people do not understand what I say (even though that does happen…). It is more on a deeper, knowing someone really well level. I believe that it is easy to know someone skin-deep but going further is unusual. It is hard. Not only does the person you want to get to know, have to open up but you must also dare to really try to get to know the other person. It requires a lot of work, patience and  involvement. Things that most are too busy to deal with.

Sometimes you can run into people who seem so easy to get to know. Where you can feel that you have known them for years. Then why can it be so much more difficult with others? Even people who you actually like? Maybe the people who seem so easy to get to know really are more multifaceted that we think. Maybe we are only getting a glimpse of who they really are.

Or maybe some of us are just too weird. Too complicated. Too demanding?

Isn’t that a great feeling?…

Or maybe I should just stop listening to angsty music (read: “Absolution” by Muse) in the car while stuck in traffic. I tend to think too much.

Domestic Sunday

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I have survived the first real Xmas party of the season. Spend most of yesterday dragging my feet behind me in a zombie-like state. Feeling slightly nauseous and delicate all Saturday. Thank heavens for Berocca! After a long sleep and easy morning I now feel alive again. As it is getting towards Xmas very fast now, I have once again tackled the domestic peaks that only occur around this time of years. I bake. I actually enjoy it as well.

Have just started the first batch of traditional Swedish Lucia buns (Lussekatter). It is a sweet bread with saffron and raisins. VERY TASTY!! Am just hoping that I get it right as it has been a while since the last time…well a year. I never seem to find time to bake and do the more complicated cooking that takes more than 20 minutes but once I start I do enjoy it. Provided music is playing in the background and I have enough time. Music is important when baking and cooking. At the moment the album “Lungs” by Florence and the Machine is playing in the background. Other days when baking I have Carmen by Bizet playing or anything by Muse. All depends on my mood I guess.

Time to continue being domestic now. Wish me luck it pays off and that I won’t burn the lot. 🙂

15 music albums that stick with you

This is a topic that one of my FB friends shared, an exercise that has popped up a bit everywhere in cyberspace. I do not know who started it so I can’t give credit to where credit is due. This is basically about putting together a list of fifteen music albums that always will stick with you. 

So I started assembling my list which actually took a while to put together as I never seem to remember the name of a song or album of an artist that I like. I am lucky if I remember the artist’s name… and my singing is so atrocious I can’t even sing the song so that others can think of the name, they normally just look at me as if I am insane, hence why I don’t sing in front of others really. This inability to remember songs and so forth also means that I inevitably always loose any pop quiz I am dragged into (as I never enter voluntarily). But I digress.

The rules for this were: Don’t take too long to think about it (it did for me though). Fifteen albums you’ve heard that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes (riiight).

Here is my list at the moment in no particular order:

• Nirvana – Nevermind
• U2 – Joshua Tree
• Muse – Absolution
• David Bowie – Let’s Dance
• Norah Jones – Feels like home
• Stevie Nicks – The Other Side of the Mirror
• Marie Fredriksson – Äntligen
• Bad Religion – New Maps of Hell
• Pink – Funhouse
• James Blunt – Back to Bedlam
• Florence and The Machine – Lungs
• Red Hot Chilli Peppers – Californication
• Tracy Chapman – Collection
• Queen – Some Kind of Magic
• Aerosmith – Nine Lives

So my question to you is now: How does your list look?

Finding inspiration to blog

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I have thought on and off about what to blog about and how to find inspiration on what to write.  There are many days when I can’t come up with anything to write about and I just end up staring at my screen (this is a tendency that can cross-over to my work laptop at times as well… hrrmmmm…) or I just look at the notebook in front of me – yes, I am still old-fashioned enough to use pen and paper.

So instead of coming up with an awesome and a potentially Pulitzer winning post <insert raised eyebrows to emphasize sarcasm> I decided to try to write about finding inspiration.

It is harder to find at times that I thought was possible. Especially considering all the wacko thoughts and internal conversation that I have in my head constantly. One would think that I’d never run out of blog topics. I also have the most bizarre and vivid dreams all the time but I decided that I will not plague people with those potential stories. Don’t want to scare all away… not yet anyway.

So what can I do to find inspiration, to wake up that illusive muse – who only works overtime in the most inappropriate situations? Well… music seems to work most times. A lot depends on the type of music I am listening to in a given moment though – aggressive music can result in angry rants, too many love songs result in mushy posts (have to work on those I think) and so forth. Sometimes I realize that I already have a topic in my head – most often it is something that has been mulling around in my unconscious mind. I love it when inspiration strikes that way. The tricky bit is getting it out and on the screen.

Another weird thing is that at times I write being in a certain state of mind and if I read the post again in a different mood then the entire message can be interpreted differently. It is amazing how the mood of the reader can change an interpretation of a text. But I digress… finding inspiration, coaxing out topics, waking the muse – whatever term you choose – is not easy.

Music helps but can be quite inconsistent. Having a few drinks (a classic) doesn’t work for me – unless I am in the pub, alcohol will make me sleepy and then it is just adios and good night muse. Reading a good book can give loads of ideas but then I run the risk of dabbling with other people’s creations and that is a no-no. Maybe I should pay more attention when out and about which would be good if I’d remember to bring a notebook – damn, I knew I had to get a bigger handbag!

Right, so I back where I started. Any tips and ideas on how to find inspirations would be much appreciated. Until then I will just have to update my play-lists, get a new handbag and cajole my muse out of hiding with some chocolate or something. 🙂