With my hair sticking out in all directions….

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I have always been a tomboy, from the very beginning. Climbing trees and hanging after my big brother. The only time my Mum got me to wear a dress was under severe threat… as in “Santa will not come” (yep, that worked once a year). Other than that she gave up. My Dad was just as happy showing me how to make a bow and arrow or a slingshot.

Let’s face it, I am much more comfortable in a DIY shop than in a fabric and home economic shop (in fact they freak me out). Did I ever mention that I cannot sew for my life? Thankfully I can cook (or at least follow a recipe) and I actually enjoy cooking most times. As I really cannot just live of sugar-snap beans and cheese (even though I try….).

Being a tomboy is grand as a kid but when you become a bit older it is sometimes seen as a bit strange. As it is, girls should act in a certain way. Dress in a certain way. We should like handbags and gush over those stilettos. This is reiterated over and over again in every magazine, in most movies and books out there. If you are not like this then you are obviously strange or gay… or both… which is absolutely stupid. First of all, I have met enough very feminine lesbians to know that, that stereotype is a load of bull. Secondly, why should you be seen as odd just because high heels are of no interest to you?

Now personally, I have been lucky as in my friends take me for whom I am. Most of my female friends love to dress up and do gush over those shoes and that is perfectly fine. I am happiest in a pair of jeans and a top with a pair of runners or boots. Yes, I do actually own a dress or two and even some heels even though these seldom get aired.

I do however every so often get comments from people seeing that I do not dress or act very “girly”. Sometimes a small insecure voice echoes inside and asks  “are you really normal?”. So the question does pop up… my answer to that today is: Yes I bloody well am, just as “normal” as the next person.

I guess that what I am trying to say is that I am sick of always seeing the same image of how one should look, act and behave shoved down my throat. If you love dresses, heels, handbags and dressing up then; great. If you like jeans, t-shirts and boots then this should also be great. If you want to be able to mix as you feel like it then again; great. We are always hearing about how important individualism is but in reality… sigh.

OK, now I have no idea why this post took this particular direction. Maybe it was something someone said or maybe something I read but there you are. So as I sit here, sipping my coffee and yawning tiredly, I see my reflection in the glass door of the cabinet. My hair is sticking out in all directions and my eyelids are heavy. My hair has a different color, yet again. It is a little bit shorter than the last time as well (my hairdresser had free hands). It is messy, as always.

Just the way I like it. Just the way I like my life – sticking out in all directions, relaxed and with coffee in my hand. So no more rants from this end today. Maybe just another cup of coffee.

Being a woman

I love a good banter. When the words snap out fast, the come-backs come even faster and the smirks that follow can turn boring times into fantastic moments. My partner and I were discussing chocolate. I state that for some women chocolate is a substitute for sex… when he points out that it is good then that he is not a woman (this as he tries to steal my chocolate). This obviously means that I say that he couldn’t handle it anyway – being a woman that is, referring to the superior beings that we are. Well and on that way it was. It was good fun.

Afterward it got me thinking… about being a woman. What it means to me and would I want it any differently. Would I want to be a man? Well maybe for a day or a week. Just to try it out. It could be fun I think.

Would I want to change it forever?

No.

I like being a woman. Yes there are many things that I am not too fond off (PMS anyone?!) but overall being a woman rocks. What’s there not to like? We have bodies that can go through amazing changes. Each of us have the potential to look amazing. We bond, we connect, we love, we fight for our right to be treated just the same as anyone else and we never give up.

I could go into the whole debate about equality or how what I describe is not applicable to what other women feel or what they stand for but you know what… I won’t cos this particular post is not about that. Neither is this post about how women are better than men and so forth. This post is purely about how I feel about being a woman and what it means to me.

Women are beautiful. There is softness, gentleness and a caring nature. There is dynamism, strength and unrelenting fierceness. Let’s face it … there are multiple-orgasms… what else can I say?

So to all the women out there… always treasure who you are and never forget to celebrate the fact that you are a woman. Cos it rocks… seriously!

Don’t take any shit!

If you have read my blog you all know that I have trained martial arts now for over a year and a half. Bujinkan Budo Taijitsu to be precise. You will also have seen my numerous posts (or FB updates) where I again and again go on about how much I enjoy it, nay in fact love it.

In this moment of time I am one of two girls that train in the club. The rest are all lads. Lately I have thought about why there are so few women in contact sports. OK, I understand that it is not everyone’s cup of tea (guys or girls) to spar and getting hit. That’s fine. However, the ratio is still very uneven. Especially in something like Bujinkan or even in full contact sports such as ice hockey etc. Yes, I know there are women ice hockey leagues but let’s be honest here..they are adapted to be more gentle and it is not the same.

I have tried to get other women to join the club. Some turn up and might even start with the beginners course but then the minute they get hit, get a bruise or experience slight pain they back off and never come back.

Women go on about self-defense and go to great lengths to learn to shout “No” at the top of their lungs while attempting to kick to the groin. Which is very good and more women should know how to defend themselves, as this is the unfortunate reality we live in. BUT… if you never been hit, how will you know how to react? Will you freeze up? Most do. I know that the first time we had a sparring session in the club, it was quite a shock to my system when I got a hard punch to the face even with the head-gear on. The guys in the club make no concessions just because I am a girl and that is how it should be. If I cannot learn to fight against a guy in a somewhat regulated sparring session how will I ever handle myself if the situation would occur outside the club? Tell the guy he should be nice? Yeah riiight, that will work…

It seems that the gender roles in our society are still so deeply rooted. Women should be fragile and depend on guys to protect them…oh let’s let them take a few self-defense courses and leave it at that. Women should not get bruised or even know how to throw a proper punch. A women knowing how to defend herself or (shock horror!) being aggressive… that is not on! I have heard of cases where boyfriends/husbands of women training at the club have come down to give out about that their women are bruised and that people are too hard on them. And then..after a while the girls leave as their partners do not agree with what they are doing.

This pisses me off. What’s even worse is that so many girls feed into the whole fragile, “poor me, victim” role-shit. I get more raised eyebrows and skeptical looks from other women than men when I tell them what I do. Most guys actually seem to think it is pretty cool but many women look at me like if I have lost the plot totally… “how can you do this, why do you let someone hit you, oh my god you did what?” etc. Oh and a few insinuations about that I must be butch for doing this. FFS! Even if I was…so what? I am obviously not what a “real” women should be according to the rules we pretend do not exist now that we are all equal… Please!

The very sad reality of today is that there seem to be just as many women as men out there that hold onto the traditional gender roles. No, I do not expect everyone to start with martial arts but please do not try to make the rest of us feel like we are doing something “unnatural”.

So, to all the women out there. Your femininity does not mean that you have to be a victim or herd others into this role. You can be just as capable as any guy. We have unlimited wells of strength within us. Use it goddamnit and walk with your head held high. In other words…don’t take any shit!